A page from my journal....
Why is waiting so difficult? Why is it that my heart rebels and races? Why do I feel so desperate to move on, to adjust, to reach the of this?
Look at the world you created, God. It's full of examples of the need to wait. A seed tucked in the dark earth. It's not what it will one day be. I wonder does it desire to know the future? Does it think it should be a strong seed, invincible to crack open? Does it think it should produce seeds just like it- one or two, and then go on to live a long happy life? What happens when dark circumstances close in? Or when the shell is cracked open and tender roots push out? And then what does it think when the seed is drawn on for nourishment and diminishes to the plant with leaves reaching sun and roots deep in earth? Or does it rest in knowing this is its purpose- the whole journey- and not think to question what God has ordained?
There is waiting in so many things. Time that ticks by so slowly is used by your mighty hand for what will day be visible. Help me to trust in the waiting. Help me to rest in you as I wait for what you will do. Help me to work and live in the waiting.
Do I need to have a vision of the future? Is it important? If it is important, I want the vision you give. Help me to yield my dreams to what you have planned. Because I know what you have planned is beyond what I can think or imagine. (Ephesians 3:20)
Since I wrote this in my journal, I've received a book I ordered on waiting. A Graceful Waiting by Jan Frank has thus far been an incredible read. Sometimes she shares from her own journal, and I feel like she's speaking thoughts I've also had. I know God's Word is our first place to look in all things, but I'm grateful that He also uses others in the body to share their experiences to cut into His Word and help us digest it all. I'll be sharing more about my reading!