Silence

Sometimes silence on a blog is due to business.

Somtimes silence on a blog is due to not having much to say.

Sometimes silence on a blog is due to not knowing what to say.

But sometimes the silence is caused by not being sure you want people to really read what you say! During the month I've had some still moments and during those times God has been showing me some things. He's shown me some things that are hard to see in me and even harder to know how to write about. It seems though that one of those things needs to be shared now. My hope is that it will encourage or spur others on and also help me to allow God to change my heart on the matter.

I often call Jesus, "Lord". Do you? When I pray I often address him as Lord. "Lord, I would like this. Lord, I'd like this to happen at this time. Lord, I don't want this to happen, could you fix it? Lord, please heal this person. Lord, please help this situation." I call Him Lord, but am I treating Him as Lord?

I've been struck by that especially this week. I wanted news of something this week. I was hoping for something. It didn't happen. Not having this thing happen throws off other plans and dreams. My plans and dreams. My initial reaction was very emotional. My words were, "Lord, what are you doing?" That's when He showed my problem to me. If He's Lord, then He gets to do things His way and in His time. Right?

Then I started digging deeper in my heart and let him shine the light there. There's a difference between making plans with the Lord still being Lord of them and making plans and expecting the Lord to put His blessing on them. I've been falling way to often into the later category. It's not where I want to be. But when I am honest with what I see in the light, I'm more than just a little afraid of what it means to let Jesus be Lord of those plans. Any one else feel like that?

I am afraid. Afraid of what it means to change and treat Him really as Lord. Afraid of how far reaching the roots of the problem may be and how entwined my Lordship issue is into other things. But I also am afraid of what it means to NOT have him be Lord. I think this fear is stronger than the first. And so I pray. "LORD, I want you to be LORD of all in my heart, in my life, in my mind, in my dreams. Show me where you're not and help me bring this area of my heart to submission. I want no other to be ruler. Drive out the fear that causes me to cling to my idols, my plans, my gods of judgement and order. Let me see as you see...see what is not like you and then see how the blood of Jesus covers me to make me acceptable to you. Let me not stay the same. Let me plan and dream, but only with you having authority to fulfill in your ways and times. You are Lord." Amen.