Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Pulling over at the rest stop- A 6 month pause

In this household, June 16th is a mighty important day.  Todd and I entered the world of parenthood with the birth of our firstborn, Ethan Porter Miller, 10 years ago.  Our son is 10! And Mama thinks that's just crazy!  He's the age of the kids she loved teaching before he was born.  Again, that's just crazy!

I suppose a lot of moms reflect a bit on their kids' birthdays.  As I decorated his cake, my thoughts also traveled to the cake I decorated for Lydia this year.  Her birthday is January 16th.  Wasn't that convenient?  I thought about her birthday and how it was that week that things took a turn in our lives.  That was the beginning of the bend of the road.  And now it is six months later.

I would like to pull into the rest stop so to speak and take a few minutes to share where we are in the journey.  Since we've already mentioned crazy things, the fact that life can be so normal again is a bit crazy when I pause now and think about it.  We have just kind of kept moving through life.  I suppose that's what one does, because there really isn't a choice.  It's funny though because what was so big back in January, now seems deceptively small.  I say deceptively, because I know that cancer is different than the flu, but really for the most part we've just accepted that this is life for now and we will live it in gratitude to God and with joy in Christ and as much normalcy as possible.

So our weeks have taken on a strange rhythm.  Sunday is filled with service and opportunities to give and share with our church family.  We take a breath at some point on Sunday too!  Monday I clean up the clutter of the weekend and regroup for the week ahead.  I like Mondays a LOT!  Tuesday Todd watches the kids, and I head for chemo.  I drink my coffee, listen to music, and try to prepare Sunday School lessons while Benadryl scrambles my thoughts.  We regather later in the day, and it's usually a good day.  For many of our Wednesdays I would head with Lydia to her school and listen to kids practice their reading.  This week, however, Ethan finishes up school and summer vacation begins.  We'll see what fun we can have on Wednesdays before Todd heads into work for the evening.  Thursday and Fridays I am "Parent on Duty".  I might be a little tired, but we pull through.  Saturdays are the hardest days I am finding.  Something seems to mess up my spirit, and it's all just a bit harder that day.  But Todd comes home from work and Sunday comes again.  Somehow or other, by God's grace, most of life gets taken care of.

I can hardly believe this is number 12 out of 16 treatments.  Many of you know how I love change, so you may not find it hard to believe that I was already thinking ahead to changes.  I think I will be happy to be done with chemo.  But you know what, I have been asking God to use me in the lives of those I meet while I get chemo, and I'm not sure I'm ready to see that window of time come to a close.  I sure would appreciate you all praying that God speaks through me some way so that He is made known in that little room.  I so want to share the reason for my joy and hope. I want them to know that God is great, awesome, and worthy of all praise and worship.  I want them to know that God loves them with a crazy love: a love that gave His perfect Son to die on a cross so that we could be made holy and blameless in His sight and adopted into His family.  I want them to know that He has the cure for their eternal sin sickness.  So, will you pray right now that God's Spirit would work in their hearts and mine?  He's already given me a love for them, but would you ask that He would guide my words and give me boldness? I would love to see God do something crazy in the four remaining weeks.  Guess I better put the rest stop behind me and get traveling!

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