Silence

Sometimes silence on a blog is due to business.

Somtimes silence on a blog is due to not having much to say.

Sometimes silence on a blog is due to not knowing what to say.

But sometimes the silence is caused by not being sure you want people to really read what you say! During the month I've had some still moments and during those times God has been showing me some things. He's shown me some things that are hard to see in me and even harder to know how to write about. It seems though that one of those things needs to be shared now. My hope is that it will encourage or spur others on and also help me to allow God to change my heart on the matter.

I often call Jesus, "Lord". Do you? When I pray I often address him as Lord. "Lord, I would like this. Lord, I'd like this to happen at this time. Lord, I don't want this to happen, could you fix it? Lord, please heal this person. Lord, please help this situation." I call Him Lord, but am I treating Him as Lord?

I've been struck by that especially this week. I wanted news of something this week. I was hoping for something. It didn't happen. Not having this thing happen throws off other plans and dreams. My plans and dreams. My initial reaction was very emotional. My words were, "Lord, what are you doing?" That's when He showed my problem to me. If He's Lord, then He gets to do things His way and in His time. Right?

Then I started digging deeper in my heart and let him shine the light there. There's a difference between making plans with the Lord still being Lord of them and making plans and expecting the Lord to put His blessing on them. I've been falling way to often into the later category. It's not where I want to be. But when I am honest with what I see in the light, I'm more than just a little afraid of what it means to let Jesus be Lord of those plans. Any one else feel like that?

I am afraid. Afraid of what it means to change and treat Him really as Lord. Afraid of how far reaching the roots of the problem may be and how entwined my Lordship issue is into other things. But I also am afraid of what it means to NOT have him be Lord. I think this fear is stronger than the first. And so I pray. "LORD, I want you to be LORD of all in my heart, in my life, in my mind, in my dreams. Show me where you're not and help me bring this area of my heart to submission. I want no other to be ruler. Drive out the fear that causes me to cling to my idols, my plans, my gods of judgement and order. Let me see as you see...see what is not like you and then see how the blood of Jesus covers me to make me acceptable to you. Let me not stay the same. Let me plan and dream, but only with you having authority to fulfill in your ways and times. You are Lord." Amen.

New Year and Returning

The silence has been long. It's been caused by life and time splintered into many directions. What time I have to fling words into cyberspace has been taken by other outlets. I've wondered if the silence should be permanent. This isn't the space I had hoped it would be. I don't like not keeping up with something or making it what my dreams are. And my time is torn between wanting to craft a place in this computer world community and ministering to the real world people around me.

But today I return. I return to share the kindness of my God. New years always produce a need to reflect, to account, to recount, to look ahead and try to align once again my reality and my dreams. Usually I desire my year to have some kind of theme. I look back and then want to label the year. I want to name it in some fashion, to summarize it with a word. 2009 was the year of settling. It was settling in good ways. It was finding my place as a mom. It was settling into roles of service in my local church. It was wrapping roots around friends and claiming them as mine in even deeper and truer ways. It was nesting in our home and finding joy in keeper of this haven. It was solidly knowing my husband and appreciating this one that is walking beside me. But the danger with settling is that you can become too comfortable. And that has been what has been scratching at the door of my heart the past few weeks. Have I become too comfortable that I'm more interested in settling than following the one who promises the greatest adventure ever in life? By nature I'm more timid and love routines and sameness. But my heart longs to follow my God on the path He has for me and not one of my own making.

So as I look to 2010 my mind has been turning with questions and wonderings. What is this year to hold and what must I do to be where God wants be to be? What attitudes must I strive to develop? What things must I cease doing in my own energies? I've been praying and asking God to give me something of Him to start this new year.

And I'm humbled to see that He has. Yesterday as I walked with Little Man in the newly fallen snow, he spoke in soft whispers. In the delicate flakes caught in my hair I found what my soul was looking for. I forgot the beauty in those tiny cold crystals. The flakes were small, but large enough that you could see incredible details in each one. The intricacy was amazing. And I was reminded that I don't pause to contemplate things like this enough. God has much to share, but I rush around trying to do things and the dust can hardly settle in all my striving. So in the quiet snow I was reminded, "Be still and know that I am God. I will be honored by every nation. I will be honored throughout the world." Psalm 46:10. And that's what I desire of this year. I want to be still. I want to cease thinking I have to be it all and do it all. I want to take time to look for Him and know Him. I want to know God. Not the God that I try to keep in my comfortable box, but know what He will share of His Wild Holiness. I want to know His heart and tune my own to it. I want to unsettle my notions and have Him shake me up with His crazy divine love. I want to know God not as my little God in suburbia postmodern America, but rather as the true God of the nations. The Holder and Keeper of the World that desires to have us all draw close and be in relationship with Him.

These sound like mighty ideas for this year. I'm not sure what will happen. I know He invites me to this. I know that He will reveal as He sees fit and as I allow my heart to be still for Him to do so. Like my uncertainties about this blog, I don't know if I'll live up to all that I hope I can. But I am willing to try today and benefit from what I learn today and return once again if I depart.

What about you? What is God desiring to share with you this year? Have you sought His point of view on the matter? Are you willing to be unsettled...maybe even unsettled from the typical new year's resolutions and goals? I hope you'll share what you've heard so that others can be encouraged and encourage you, too!

A Mommy's Peek into our Father's Heart

I guess in a way I am being blessed. At least, I'm trying to see the good in the situation. Last night and this morning our Little Man has been having difficulty in the area of obedience. And boy have I been praying for wisdom! Although it hasn't been easy, I'm thankful that he is fighting some of these battles now AND that I can appreciate more all that God has done for me.

Around seven this morning we were getting juice to go along with our gingerbread waffles that were in the waffle iron. Little Man did not like the choice of cups I gave him and threw them on the floor. This means that he must pick them up and in the past has been the beginning of a battle. He choose the battle again. It's a hard battle. Maybe it's hard because he's strong willed or a toddler. Maybe it's hard because we as parents aren't doing something right. I don't know. But I do know that Little Man needs to learn to obey what God says to do, and right now God has given his parents the job to train him in obedience. Righting a wrong and following the way he is told to do it is important training. So, we press on.

But as we press on I get a peek into our Father's Heart. Life is SO much happier and simpler when we obey, isn't it? We know that, but seeing a two year old not get to enjoy breakfast, cuddle with his stuffed animals, or watch a NEW episode of a favorite show on television brings the point home to me. I want to bless my son. I want to pour out good things on his life. I want him to enjoy life. But because of his choices, that didn't happen. He missed out. The waffles got cold, the boy fell asleep alone, and the episode on TV played without him.

How much do I miss out on what God so very much wants to bless me with? How much do I miss because I want to hold out to control the situation, or I want to do it my way? I miss out. I know I do. And what I miss out on most is the closeness of my relationship with God. Little Man and I didn't get to play much last night or this morning because we were dealing with disobedience. We didn't get to laugh and imagine and learn together. The spark was gone. Even more than the other blessings, the relationship is the most important thing.

How wonderful God is to wait for us to return to Him. To give us opportunity after opportunity to turn around and obey. And then the joy that is felt when the relationship is restored. Last night when Little Man did what was required and then came running to me, what joy was in my heart to have him back, doing what was good, and showing his love by obedience. This has to be a shadow of what God feels. How I want to fill his heart when he sees me turn and obey! Don't you?

Aren't you glad our Father loves us so? I am. And I love my Little Man so, and pray that when we awakes, he will choose to turn and obey. And if he doesn't, like My Father, I will wait for Him and love Him while I wait.

Ah ha moment

Funny how sometimes you can be reading God's Word and you know you've read it before, but you just NEVER saw it. I had one of those AH HA moments the other day. During my reading time I was reading through Ezekiel 34. God was raking the leaders (or shepherds) of Israel over the coals. He wasn't pleased about they way they are leading His people. They are allowing them to preyed on, to wander around lost, and to starve. He tells them that they are his enemies and that he will hold them responsible for what happens to them. He is removing them from their positions as shepherd. (Some weighty words for those of us who lead others!)

But then came the ah-ha moment. Keep reading Ezekiel 34:11-24. He tells us that He himself will their shepherd. He tells them that he will search for the sheep and find them. He will rescue them and bring them back. He will feed them and give them pleasant places to lie down. He tell us he will be all the things that the shepherd in Psalm 23 is. But I've read some where else that Jesus is a Good Shepherd, haven't you? In John 10:10-21 when Jesus equates himself to being a Good Shepherd he wasn't just paining a word picture that people could understand. He was using the picture from Ezekiel to further confirm His role and mission. Don't you love when you find a buried treasure in Scripture and realize God has made his message so obvious if we will but look and listen!

The rest of the passage in Ezekiel also says that this good shepherd will judge between the fat and scrawny sheep and the sheep and goats. He will judge those that trample on others, that squash others down, that let them remain in their poor conditions. That reminds me of something else Jesus talked about in Matthew 25:31-46.

Have you had any ah-ha moments lately? I hope so!

Where are you standing?

My blogging here has been infrequent, but that doesn't mean I haven't had things I've wanted to share. It's just been harder balancing everything this day, and unfortunately this is the place where I often let things go.

A while I go I was reading Ezekiel and Ezekiel 22:30-31 grabbed my attention. It says, "I looked for someone who might rebuild the wall of righteousness that guards the land. I searched for someone to stand in the gap of the wall so I shouldn't have to destroy the land, but I found no one." WOW.

The wall of righteousness that guarded the land had been torn down. Unrighteousness could easily creep in and take hold of the inhabitants. When I thought about this in my life I applied it to my family. God has built a wall of righteousness around my family by his grace. I don't want that wall to be torn down. I want to set on its watchtowers and be sure it is not compromised. I want to care for it and maintain it.

I also thought of our nation. On some days it certainly does seem like the wall has crumbled. When you look in the news and at the things being considered in legislature and issues in the next election, and you see many areas where righteousness has fallen.

God continues in this verse, "I looked for someone to stand in the gap of the wall so I wouldn't have to destroy the land..." There is a breech and God was looking for someone to enter that broken space and stand for truth. Am I ready to do that for my nation? Am I ready to stand up and be counted for righteousness?

Sadly in Ezekiel, God doesn't find someone ready to stand in the gap, and so the consequence is that the land is destroyed. I don't want that to happened to my land. I don't want to face the wrath of God in order to have us repent and bow to Him. I want to learn the lesson now without the dire consequences. Judgement I believe has already started, but will increase as we continue to let the wall be broken. I am challenged to take action.

Now I'm not someone who is very politically active. I'm not someone who likes to get in people's faces with truth. But I do need to take a stand. I need to know what God says is right and live by it. I need to be active and in the gap, and not hiding out in a church pew. I need to know what is happening in my world and speak with a respectful, knowledgeable, voice. I need to love the people around me and show that love through actions. I need to pray for my nation and be humble before God, interceding for the sin of me and my people.

I hope you are encouraged to stand in the gap as well!

The Invitation

Although my reading has taken me elsewhere in the Bible, my heart is still stuck back in Isaiah. A new Bible study I've started brought me back to chew on a few verses in Isaiah 55. I couldn't be satisfied with just those few verses and now the chapter has given me much to think about.




I love what I've found here. Isaiah 55:1-3 is the best invitation we could receive. God asks if we're hungry or thirsty. He offers us more than wine or milk or fine food. And he offers it freely. We are to come ready to hear with our ears wide open and he will give us life as we listen. Am I ready to come to him with a listening heart? Do I hunger and thirst for him?

So what will we hear when we come? Vs 3 says we will hear about a never ending covenant. We will hear about unfailing love. We will hear of how he will work in our lives so that He is displayed in power and glory.

Isaiah tells us that God is near and we are to call on him while this offer is good. We are to change our ways. He will forgive us.

So why would God offer this incredible invitation to ones that need to repent, to ones that need to come close to him again? Because Isaiah 55:8-9 reminds that God's ways are not our ways. He doesn't look for the righteous, because there are none! He doesn't look for those that are closest and give them some pointers as to how they can strive better. He offers a way of forgiveness so that He can give what he so greatly desires. So He can give what will bring glory to him.

He reminds us that God's Word is powerful and will accomplish what he desires. (Isaiah 55:10-11) He sends out His Word and it always produces fruit. People will take him up on his offer. People will turn to Him and walk with Him, and they will live in joy and peace.

He reminds us that what was once barren and ruined will be filled with life. What was once sinful and full of death, will by the power of His Word in a heart seeking Him become full of life and fruitful.

That's some invitation! Why would God offer it? Vs 13 gives us a clue to the Invitor's heart. "These events will bring great honor to the Lord's name; they will be an everlasting sign of his power and love." God does this because of who He is. He offers us this because He is powerful and can do it and because He is love. The result is then honor to His name. Have you taken a look at this invitation recently? Draw near to the Invitor and find life in Him.

Fearing God's Name

The idea of fearing God's name, his character and reputation, has been buzzing around in my head for awhile. When my ladies' Sunday School class was working through the book of Malachi, we were constantly reading how they had contempt for God's name and did not fear His name. I guess the buzzing began there. I want to understand more of what it means to fear His name and live in a way that demonstrate this understanding.

I haven't had much time to study this area, but the phrases keeps jumping out at me in Scripture, so I know I'll learn more.

These passages for example:
Psalm 25:14 (NLT) The Lord is a friend to those who fear him.
He teaches them his covenant.

Proverbs 1:7 (NLT) Fear of the Lord is the foundation of true knowledge,
but fools despise wisdom and discipline.

Isaiah 33:6 (NLT) In that day he will be your sure foundation,providing a rich store of salvation, wisdom, and knowledge.The fear of the Lord will be your treasure.

I do know that to fear His name is not just to respect what I call God, but to revere his character and essence. But the Hebrew and Greek words that are translated fear mean just that....terror and dread of God. So, it's more than just honor and respect. It means to be aware of His awesomeness, His power, His holiness, and to treat him as set apart because of this awareness. It is to not take Him or my relationship with Him lightly. It is also to recognize how much he hates sin and the right he has to be judge.

A believer balances terror and dread of God with God's love which takes away fear. God's love doesn't change that He is still to be feared, but it allows us to approach Him and have confidence in His presence. I've noticed though that most frequently when somoene is in the presence of God, fear is the first response. Over and over again, God has had to say, "Fear not."

But what about the name part of the phrase? A name is what represents someone to the world. It's their history, their personality, their feelings and thoughts represented in a piece of language. I am to fear the totality of God.

So how do I keep a fearful perspective of God? The answer is found in God's Word. Over and over he commands us to fear Him and demonstrates who he is to us. When we meditate on His power, His awesomeness, His beyond us, then we will have fear.

And what does this mean for my day to day life? As I fear God I will obey what he commands. I won't do it because I'm just afraid of being punished, but rather because I recognize His authority, His power, and His rightness.

One more thing, spend some time with Psalm 103. May you be blessed as you fear His name!