New Year and Returning

The silence has been long. It's been caused by life and time splintered into many directions. What time I have to fling words into cyberspace has been taken by other outlets. I've wondered if the silence should be permanent. This isn't the space I had hoped it would be. I don't like not keeping up with something or making it what my dreams are. And my time is torn between wanting to craft a place in this computer world community and ministering to the real world people around me.

But today I return. I return to share the kindness of my God. New years always produce a need to reflect, to account, to recount, to look ahead and try to align once again my reality and my dreams. Usually I desire my year to have some kind of theme. I look back and then want to label the year. I want to name it in some fashion, to summarize it with a word. 2009 was the year of settling. It was settling in good ways. It was finding my place as a mom. It was settling into roles of service in my local church. It was wrapping roots around friends and claiming them as mine in even deeper and truer ways. It was nesting in our home and finding joy in keeper of this haven. It was solidly knowing my husband and appreciating this one that is walking beside me. But the danger with settling is that you can become too comfortable. And that has been what has been scratching at the door of my heart the past few weeks. Have I become too comfortable that I'm more interested in settling than following the one who promises the greatest adventure ever in life? By nature I'm more timid and love routines and sameness. But my heart longs to follow my God on the path He has for me and not one of my own making.

So as I look to 2010 my mind has been turning with questions and wonderings. What is this year to hold and what must I do to be where God wants be to be? What attitudes must I strive to develop? What things must I cease doing in my own energies? I've been praying and asking God to give me something of Him to start this new year.

And I'm humbled to see that He has. Yesterday as I walked with Little Man in the newly fallen snow, he spoke in soft whispers. In the delicate flakes caught in my hair I found what my soul was looking for. I forgot the beauty in those tiny cold crystals. The flakes were small, but large enough that you could see incredible details in each one. The intricacy was amazing. And I was reminded that I don't pause to contemplate things like this enough. God has much to share, but I rush around trying to do things and the dust can hardly settle in all my striving. So in the quiet snow I was reminded, "Be still and know that I am God. I will be honored by every nation. I will be honored throughout the world." Psalm 46:10. And that's what I desire of this year. I want to be still. I want to cease thinking I have to be it all and do it all. I want to take time to look for Him and know Him. I want to know God. Not the God that I try to keep in my comfortable box, but know what He will share of His Wild Holiness. I want to know His heart and tune my own to it. I want to unsettle my notions and have Him shake me up with His crazy divine love. I want to know God not as my little God in suburbia postmodern America, but rather as the true God of the nations. The Holder and Keeper of the World that desires to have us all draw close and be in relationship with Him.

These sound like mighty ideas for this year. I'm not sure what will happen. I know He invites me to this. I know that He will reveal as He sees fit and as I allow my heart to be still for Him to do so. Like my uncertainties about this blog, I don't know if I'll live up to all that I hope I can. But I am willing to try today and benefit from what I learn today and return once again if I depart.

What about you? What is God desiring to share with you this year? Have you sought His point of view on the matter? Are you willing to be unsettled...maybe even unsettled from the typical new year's resolutions and goals? I hope you'll share what you've heard so that others can be encouraged and encourage you, too!

A Mommy's Peek into our Father's Heart

I guess in a way I am being blessed. At least, I'm trying to see the good in the situation. Last night and this morning our Little Man has been having difficulty in the area of obedience. And boy have I been praying for wisdom! Although it hasn't been easy, I'm thankful that he is fighting some of these battles now AND that I can appreciate more all that God has done for me.

Around seven this morning we were getting juice to go along with our gingerbread waffles that were in the waffle iron. Little Man did not like the choice of cups I gave him and threw them on the floor. This means that he must pick them up and in the past has been the beginning of a battle. He choose the battle again. It's a hard battle. Maybe it's hard because he's strong willed or a toddler. Maybe it's hard because we as parents aren't doing something right. I don't know. But I do know that Little Man needs to learn to obey what God says to do, and right now God has given his parents the job to train him in obedience. Righting a wrong and following the way he is told to do it is important training. So, we press on.

But as we press on I get a peek into our Father's Heart. Life is SO much happier and simpler when we obey, isn't it? We know that, but seeing a two year old not get to enjoy breakfast, cuddle with his stuffed animals, or watch a NEW episode of a favorite show on television brings the point home to me. I want to bless my son. I want to pour out good things on his life. I want him to enjoy life. But because of his choices, that didn't happen. He missed out. The waffles got cold, the boy fell asleep alone, and the episode on TV played without him.

How much do I miss out on what God so very much wants to bless me with? How much do I miss because I want to hold out to control the situation, or I want to do it my way? I miss out. I know I do. And what I miss out on most is the closeness of my relationship with God. Little Man and I didn't get to play much last night or this morning because we were dealing with disobedience. We didn't get to laugh and imagine and learn together. The spark was gone. Even more than the other blessings, the relationship is the most important thing.

How wonderful God is to wait for us to return to Him. To give us opportunity after opportunity to turn around and obey. And then the joy that is felt when the relationship is restored. Last night when Little Man did what was required and then came running to me, what joy was in my heart to have him back, doing what was good, and showing his love by obedience. This has to be a shadow of what God feels. How I want to fill his heart when he sees me turn and obey! Don't you?

Aren't you glad our Father loves us so? I am. And I love my Little Man so, and pray that when we awakes, he will choose to turn and obey. And if he doesn't, like My Father, I will wait for Him and love Him while I wait.

Ah ha moment

Funny how sometimes you can be reading God's Word and you know you've read it before, but you just NEVER saw it. I had one of those AH HA moments the other day. During my reading time I was reading through Ezekiel 34. God was raking the leaders (or shepherds) of Israel over the coals. He wasn't pleased about they way they are leading His people. They are allowing them to preyed on, to wander around lost, and to starve. He tells them that they are his enemies and that he will hold them responsible for what happens to them. He is removing them from their positions as shepherd. (Some weighty words for those of us who lead others!)

But then came the ah-ha moment. Keep reading Ezekiel 34:11-24. He tells us that He himself will their shepherd. He tells them that he will search for the sheep and find them. He will rescue them and bring them back. He will feed them and give them pleasant places to lie down. He tell us he will be all the things that the shepherd in Psalm 23 is. But I've read some where else that Jesus is a Good Shepherd, haven't you? In John 10:10-21 when Jesus equates himself to being a Good Shepherd he wasn't just paining a word picture that people could understand. He was using the picture from Ezekiel to further confirm His role and mission. Don't you love when you find a buried treasure in Scripture and realize God has made his message so obvious if we will but look and listen!

The rest of the passage in Ezekiel also says that this good shepherd will judge between the fat and scrawny sheep and the sheep and goats. He will judge those that trample on others, that squash others down, that let them remain in their poor conditions. That reminds me of something else Jesus talked about in Matthew 25:31-46.

Have you had any ah-ha moments lately? I hope so!

Where are you standing?

My blogging here has been infrequent, but that doesn't mean I haven't had things I've wanted to share. It's just been harder balancing everything this day, and unfortunately this is the place where I often let things go.

A while I go I was reading Ezekiel and Ezekiel 22:30-31 grabbed my attention. It says, "I looked for someone who might rebuild the wall of righteousness that guards the land. I searched for someone to stand in the gap of the wall so I shouldn't have to destroy the land, but I found no one." WOW.

The wall of righteousness that guarded the land had been torn down. Unrighteousness could easily creep in and take hold of the inhabitants. When I thought about this in my life I applied it to my family. God has built a wall of righteousness around my family by his grace. I don't want that wall to be torn down. I want to set on its watchtowers and be sure it is not compromised. I want to care for it and maintain it.

I also thought of our nation. On some days it certainly does seem like the wall has crumbled. When you look in the news and at the things being considered in legislature and issues in the next election, and you see many areas where righteousness has fallen.

God continues in this verse, "I looked for someone to stand in the gap of the wall so I wouldn't have to destroy the land..." There is a breech and God was looking for someone to enter that broken space and stand for truth. Am I ready to do that for my nation? Am I ready to stand up and be counted for righteousness?

Sadly in Ezekiel, God doesn't find someone ready to stand in the gap, and so the consequence is that the land is destroyed. I don't want that to happened to my land. I don't want to face the wrath of God in order to have us repent and bow to Him. I want to learn the lesson now without the dire consequences. Judgement I believe has already started, but will increase as we continue to let the wall be broken. I am challenged to take action.

Now I'm not someone who is very politically active. I'm not someone who likes to get in people's faces with truth. But I do need to take a stand. I need to know what God says is right and live by it. I need to be active and in the gap, and not hiding out in a church pew. I need to know what is happening in my world and speak with a respectful, knowledgeable, voice. I need to love the people around me and show that love through actions. I need to pray for my nation and be humble before God, interceding for the sin of me and my people.

I hope you are encouraged to stand in the gap as well!

The Invitation

Although my reading has taken me elsewhere in the Bible, my heart is still stuck back in Isaiah. A new Bible study I've started brought me back to chew on a few verses in Isaiah 55. I couldn't be satisfied with just those few verses and now the chapter has given me much to think about.




I love what I've found here. Isaiah 55:1-3 is the best invitation we could receive. God asks if we're hungry or thirsty. He offers us more than wine or milk or fine food. And he offers it freely. We are to come ready to hear with our ears wide open and he will give us life as we listen. Am I ready to come to him with a listening heart? Do I hunger and thirst for him?

So what will we hear when we come? Vs 3 says we will hear about a never ending covenant. We will hear about unfailing love. We will hear of how he will work in our lives so that He is displayed in power and glory.

Isaiah tells us that God is near and we are to call on him while this offer is good. We are to change our ways. He will forgive us.

So why would God offer this incredible invitation to ones that need to repent, to ones that need to come close to him again? Because Isaiah 55:8-9 reminds that God's ways are not our ways. He doesn't look for the righteous, because there are none! He doesn't look for those that are closest and give them some pointers as to how they can strive better. He offers a way of forgiveness so that He can give what he so greatly desires. So He can give what will bring glory to him.

He reminds us that God's Word is powerful and will accomplish what he desires. (Isaiah 55:10-11) He sends out His Word and it always produces fruit. People will take him up on his offer. People will turn to Him and walk with Him, and they will live in joy and peace.

He reminds us that what was once barren and ruined will be filled with life. What was once sinful and full of death, will by the power of His Word in a heart seeking Him become full of life and fruitful.

That's some invitation! Why would God offer it? Vs 13 gives us a clue to the Invitor's heart. "These events will bring great honor to the Lord's name; they will be an everlasting sign of his power and love." God does this because of who He is. He offers us this because He is powerful and can do it and because He is love. The result is then honor to His name. Have you taken a look at this invitation recently? Draw near to the Invitor and find life in Him.

Fearing God's Name

The idea of fearing God's name, his character and reputation, has been buzzing around in my head for awhile. When my ladies' Sunday School class was working through the book of Malachi, we were constantly reading how they had contempt for God's name and did not fear His name. I guess the buzzing began there. I want to understand more of what it means to fear His name and live in a way that demonstrate this understanding.

I haven't had much time to study this area, but the phrases keeps jumping out at me in Scripture, so I know I'll learn more.

These passages for example:
Psalm 25:14 (NLT) The Lord is a friend to those who fear him.
He teaches them his covenant.

Proverbs 1:7 (NLT) Fear of the Lord is the foundation of true knowledge,
but fools despise wisdom and discipline.

Isaiah 33:6 (NLT) In that day he will be your sure foundation,providing a rich store of salvation, wisdom, and knowledge.The fear of the Lord will be your treasure.

I do know that to fear His name is not just to respect what I call God, but to revere his character and essence. But the Hebrew and Greek words that are translated fear mean just that....terror and dread of God. So, it's more than just honor and respect. It means to be aware of His awesomeness, His power, His holiness, and to treat him as set apart because of this awareness. It is to not take Him or my relationship with Him lightly. It is also to recognize how much he hates sin and the right he has to be judge.

A believer balances terror and dread of God with God's love which takes away fear. God's love doesn't change that He is still to be feared, but it allows us to approach Him and have confidence in His presence. I've noticed though that most frequently when somoene is in the presence of God, fear is the first response. Over and over again, God has had to say, "Fear not."

But what about the name part of the phrase? A name is what represents someone to the world. It's their history, their personality, their feelings and thoughts represented in a piece of language. I am to fear the totality of God.

So how do I keep a fearful perspective of God? The answer is found in God's Word. Over and over he commands us to fear Him and demonstrates who he is to us. When we meditate on His power, His awesomeness, His beyond us, then we will have fear.

And what does this mean for my day to day life? As I fear God I will obey what he commands. I won't do it because I'm just afraid of being punished, but rather because I recognize His authority, His power, and His rightness.

One more thing, spend some time with Psalm 103. May you be blessed as you fear His name!

Faithful or not?

Judging from the date on my last post I've not been very faithful to blogging. But don't let that make you think that God hasn't been speaking and things haven't been happening. God is oh so faithful, and I'm praying that one of the reasons I haven't been posting is that I've been being faithful to doing what He wants me to do and being faithful to who He wants me to be.

It's also intimidating to start posting when your heart has been on a long journey. How do you share the great depths? Words can't capture it all.

Let me try to start with two areas. First, God has been working in my heart to change an area I'm ministering in. It's so amazing to see how God plants seeds and nurtures them. In the beginning of the summer I was working with some wonderful teenage girls from our church to help them prepare for their roles in teaching Vacation Bible School. I was blown away by their hearts and filled with a great love for them. This love continued to grow when several of them were with me at Girl's camp later this summer. Part of me was really sad though at each time because I rarely have time to visit with them, let alone have deep meaningful conversations. I can't say that I really prayed much about this, except to praise God for the opportunity and question if there could be more. Well, God does have more.

A year or so back some ladies in our church began searching for a way to have a high school girl's Sunday School class. Since then, nothing really seemed to have been happening. Guess, God had other plans, because suddenly I was asked what I thought about teaching such a class. I was so excited by the possibility and after praying, I said I would but only if my existing ministry, the women's Sunday School class had a leader.

At this point, God was also working and preparing another woman's heart. I think he's actually been working on a few hearts, so there wasn't a shortage of willing leaders. It's been so amazing to witness God's hand at work. And encouraging, because as I beginning to launch this class I am humbled by the responsibility and uplifted that God is keenly aware of what needs to happen.

So, pray with me for my girls and our new adventure. I am VERY excited about the opportunity to disciple and learn from these beautiful daughters of God. Also pray for my ladies. I will miss them. God has been very kind to increase our class lately and saturate it with His presence. May they thrive under new leadership and more ladies also join them so that they too can walk in the ways of God and bring Him glory.

Another thing has also been happening that is related to this first area. Remember the posts on my 40 days of prayer? God is continuing to be my patient teacher. Several events have had me flat on my face before Him and have kept my knees trembling so that I had to be in prayer. I love this reminder of dependency on Him. I love the communion and fellowship I've had with Him. And He's challenging me with a relationship with someone who is also needing to experience their own prayer relationship.

I know this is a long post, but let me leave you with this. My morning reading was Habakkuk. It's been my heart's desire to do a deeper study on this, and I will at some point. But this is what I found for now. Habakkuk knows that God's judgement is coming to Judah in the form of the Babylonians. He questions why God would use even more unrighteous people to judge His people. But then comes to the conclusion that God is mighty and glorious. God will use the Babylonians to bring His people back to Him, but the Babylonians will not escape judgement. It's Habakkuk 3:16-19 that held my treasure today. Habakkuk says he will wait patiently for God's judgement on these people. He knows that hard times will befall Judah. Things will not be easy. The consequences of sin are weighty and hard to deal with. But Habakkuk says he will still rejoice in God. God is the God of his salvation and God will enable him to stand in these precarious times, even as a deer is able to scramble on the mountain heights. Even when we're facing consequences to sin, if we honor God in his place as Lord, he will help us endure the consequences. These were some sweet words for me today as I've been walking with someone through a time of hard consequences.

Praise to our God who is faithful, unchanging, gracious, and merciful. May He enable you to stand firm today!