(Desiring to be) A Woman After God's Own Heart

Blessing

2011-04-09T20:34:00.003-04:00

Always amazes me when God wishes to communicate something to me. It often seems wrapped in mystery, something I could easily overlook if I didn't pause to be still. And yet something so clearly marked with His fingerprints.

Often He speaks through His Word. Like I pointed to the other day, sometimes He takes a verse so dear and sheds new light on it. But sometimes He speaks through others. As I've been wreslting these past few months, this song has crossed my path.

God's blessings and graces are many...sometimes we just can't see them at first. May you see the blessings, my friend.

A choice- two ropes

2011-04-07T06:45:00.005-04:00

In life we always have a choice, don't we? It's one of God's great gifts to us. This morning as I awoke and muttered my first prayers, I began to see the choices before me.

I've been in a place the past few days where I've again had to face that my plans and God's plans are not the same. Life's so much easier when those two align. But I also know that I can't force God to make His plans my plans. So I have a choice.

What will I choose? My plans? My plans are are like a rope I could choose to cling to. It's a rope that I've braided since a girl. I would be a wife. I would be a mother. I'd have at least two children. Life would be centered on caring for this family and raising the children up to follow God. I'd always thought my family would live near where I grew up. We'd have time with grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins. My mom and I would visit and I'd get advice from her over cups of coffee. Later I added details like the children would be a few years a part. Not so far apart that they didn't share things in common, but not one on top of the other either. 3-4 years would be great. I'd even adjusted that plan to 2-4 years most recently! Of coure this rope already had to be rebraided somewhat over the years, but still a large piece of it was intact. There's nothing really wrong with this rope. Except that it's pretty small isn't it?

The other choice I have is God's plan. Ahh... but that rope I can't quite understand. It's so big I can't see where it leads. I can only see the now- a husband and a son to honor, love, and care for. Other family to keep near despite the challenge of miles between us. A church family to serve. But I don't see much else. I don't know what a little further up the rope holds. I don't know what dreams are up there. I don't know what to set my expectations on.

Or do I know what to set my expectations on? God has said He has plans and they are good (Jer. 29:11). He says he wants me to live an abundant life (John 10:10). He says I am loved (Jer. 31:3). He says life is to bring Him glory and it's to share His love with others(John 15:8). He says this life is only a shadow of what's to come (John 14:3). He says to set my heart on Him and things above(Col. 3:1). He says I can trust Him, even when I can't see (Prov. 3:5-6). He says He's my rock, my foundation, my hope (Ps. 62).

So which rope should I choose to hold on to?

Yes, you got it. I'm going to choose to hold on to God's rope. I'm also aware that I need to cut down the other rope and not try to tie it up again. (The not tying it up again is probably the harder part!) You may want to ask me later which rope I'm holding on to.

What about you though? What are you holding on to? Good question isn't it? There's always a choice- two ropes!

Renew

2011-04-06T21:30:00.002-04:00

It's been some time since I last wrote. Life seems to get busy and this little space gets squished out when that happens. That doesn't mean that I'm not pressing on or thinking, it's just there's not time to sit and write.

In the space since I wrote last I've continued to count God's graces. I've had good days and not so good days. Life has been happening. Sometimes I'm amazed at the territory my emotions can cover in a week. Well, let me look at that again...in a day! Sometimes I'm just plain ol' weary from it all.

Last night was one of those weary moments for me. I was feeling a bit defeated. I'd slid a bit into the pit where those nasty thoughts swim in my head and drown out God's truth. I must admit I turned to the computer to see if I could find something to read that would help. I wondered if there was someone out there who had walked a similar road recently and could offer some encouragement. (I know I should be turning to God and His Word first, but that wasn't what I choose.) God was kind and brought me to some words that turned me to His Word. I'm so grateful. The words had to deal with waiting and God's perfect timing. It reminded me of my treasured verse, Isaiah 40:31. I took a moment and thought about that verse and all the miles it's traveled with me. And then I noticed it. The little word renew.

But they that wait upon the Lord, will renew their strength. They will mount up with wings as eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.

Hold it. If God is promising to renew their strength when they wait on Him, then maybe waiting drains strength? Maybe it's normal for this process to make us feel all twisted and limp. Maybe it's normal to be discouraged when we wrestle to hold on to God when we wait. Maybe I'm not so far off the mark. God is promising renewal. He's promising to give what we need...to replenish it.

It was a small word, but it gave needed strength. Keep holding on. God will renew and enable until there is victory.

I'll be happy when...

2011-03-14T14:49:00.002-04:00

Ever said that. Yup, me too. Often.

I'll be happy when we have vacation.

I'll be happy when we get back into a routine.

I'll be happy when the the snow melts.

I'll be happy when mud season is over.

I'll be happy when it's cooler.

I'll be happy when we have a child.

I'll be happy when it's quieter.

I'll be happy when we have another child.

Today in my browsings of blogs, I was reminded of the troubles that come when thinking this way. My happiness is so often focused on my surroundings and circumstances. My emotions are directly related to what is happening, and my sense of well being is directly correlated to how much things are going according to my plans. But this is not what God says He wants for us. He wants to give us joy that is based on Him not on our circumstances. He wants us to look beyond the messes in life to see the potential of all things to speak of His grace and glory.

I don't have to wait to be happy. I can choose right now to be joyful. This happens when I take my eyes off of my, my expectations, my schedule, my ways, and turn to look at Him. I can look to His truth. The truth that He is good. He is love. He is steadfast. I can look at the situations and circumstances and see through them to the opportunity to what He can do in them.

I want this deep abiding joy, don't you? So instead of I'll be happy when, I'll choose to count the blessings I see. And I'll turn over that I'll be happy when and ask Him to carry the situation in His hands and give me joy now.

I'll be happy now for...

113. Being warm and dry on a wet slushy day

114. Time to read

115. Crystal branches in sunlight

116. Fresh air and blue sky

117. God's forbearance

118. Cute three year old train conductors punching tickets for stuffed animal passengers

119. Whisper of falling snowflakes

120. Familiar Bible verses and speak like old friends

121. Little Man in high water pants

122. Provisions in the form of cardboard

123. Maple syrup pancakes

124. Breakfast together as a family with sausage and biscuits too boot!

125. Love for Christ's bride

126. Bed time----ahh sweet bed time!

Heavenward

2011-03-08T20:33:00.004-05:00

What is it about a clear blue sky that calls deep to my heart? When I step outside into the sunlight and inhale, it's then that I am drawn upward. My thoughts are pulled from earth's concerns and I begin to contemplate greater things. The burdens, loudness, dullness seem to fade a bit. The air becomes clearer, the peace greater, and I am drawn to Him. Do you feel the same thing?

What is it about the heavens that does this? I turned to the Word for some insight.

1 The heavens declare the glory of God;
the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
2 Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night they reveal knowledge.
3 They have no speech, they use no words;
no sound is heard from them.
4 Yet their voice goes out into all the earth,
their words to the ends of the world.em>

The heavens tell of God's glory. They demonstrate His work. They speak of Him. Surely when we gaze upward we are reminded of who He is.

Psalm 8: 1-4
1 LORD, our Lord,
how majestic is your name in all the earth!
You have set your glory
in the heavens.
2 Through the praise of children and infants
you have established a stronghold against your enemies,
to silence the foe and the avenger.
3 When I consider your heavens,
the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars,
which you have set in place,
4 what is mankind that you are mindful of them,
human beings that you care for them?

And when I look skyward, I find my place. I am small. He is great. And in His greatness He cares for me. Surely I can breathe easier with this in mind.

Psalm 36:5 Your love, LORD, reaches to the heavens,
your faithfulness to the skies.

I am loved. The heights of heaven try to measure off the vastness of this love.

Isaiah 40:26
Lift up your eyes and look to the heavens:
Who created all these?
He who brings out the starry host one by one
and calls forth each of them by name.
Because of his great power and mighty strength,
not one of them is missing.

I am cared for. The one who created all this and sustains it, knows my needs, can meet my needs, and promises to meet my needs.

1 Chronicles 16:31-33
31Let the heavens rejoice, let the earth be glad;
let them say among the nations, “The LORD reigns!”
32 Let the sea resound, and all that is in it;
let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them!
33 Let the trees of the forest sing,
let them sing for joy before the LORD,
for he comes to judge the earth.

So, my heart joins the anthem of the skies. My praise rises up to Him. It's good to get outside and think heavenward, isn't it?

Trying to count gifts like the stars in the sky:

99. Little Man saying first memory verse without any prompting- Word being hidden in the heart

100. Bedtime talks and overflowing love

101. Sitting at a supper table at sundown

102. Time with my husband

103. Over hearing Little Man say, "I'm glad you're my Daddy"

104. Pasta

105. Day filled with ordinary things

106. A boy and his trains

107. Love that keeps going beyond differences

108. Supper eaten by a sick boy

109. Tylenol

110. Special delivery from home- along trip

111. Afternoon naps

112. Sharing in communion and remembering the price Jesus paid for his bride

When the mystery becomes clearer...

2011-03-03T17:54:00.003-05:00

Sometimes God's Word is a mystery isn't it? I mean to a degree we understand the words and ideas, but at times there is so much that seems shadowed in those very same words.

For example, read 1 John 3:1.

How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!

Seems pretty understandable at first glance doesn't it? We're loved. We have a relationship with God in which He is our Father. His love is lavished freely on us. We're his children. I understand that.

But then again, do I really? Do I get the truth behind these words?

God doesn't leave His Word a mystery though. He gives us His Spirit. His Living Holy Spirit. The Living Spirit that interprets the Living Word of God to us. It's amazing when the mystery becomes a bit clearer.

The other day I was playing with Little Man. He's really been a lot of fun to be with this past month. We'd had a rough spot of disobedience and difficulty, but things seemed to have ironed out a bit. I've been delighting in his words, his ideas, his creativity, his growing understanding. My heart melts when he gives a spontaneous hug and says, "I love you, Mommy." He enjoys being with me. He wants me to be near him, to watch what he's doing. To talk with him. To listen to him. It really doesn't matter. He just wants us to be together. And what joy does that bring me to know those desires. To know that Mamma has a dear place in his heart right now.

That's when I saw something in my relationship with God and thought of 1 John 3:1. Is this part of what it means to be a child of God? Just as I so delight in Little Man's desire to be with me, his open love for me, and his growth, so too, does God delight in me. He loves me and wants to be with me, His child. He wants me to desire to have time with Him, to give Him a preferred place in my heart, to share with Him all my experiences. Am I to foster the same kind of attitude in my heart that my Little Man has towards me? Do I delight in Him, or is being with Him something that I just do out of duty? And when I live in His love, like my little guy lives in my imperfect love for him, doesn't my heart overflow more towards my Father?

I'm grateful for God's Word. I'm grateful for God's Spirit. I'm grateful when God speaks into my everyday life to make the mystery a little clearer. Live today as you are loved. Spend sometime with your Heavenly Daddy and be sure to wrap your arms around his neck and tell Him you love Him!

God is good....

2011-02-28T16:11:00.003-05:00

Forgive me for dwelling on this theme, but the post is just as much for me as for someone who may wander this way.

God is so good.
God is so good.
God is so good.
He's so good to me.

It's a chorus I've sung many times. Do I believe it? I mean really truly when I'm in the nitty gritty stuff of life?

Yesterday I was thinking more about the goodness of God. You see I had to. Two things this weekend recalled the question of the goodness of God. Two things that if I focused on them, could steal my joy and lead me to believe a lie.

At our church's winter carnival event there was a woman visiting with a beautiful baby belly. You know the perfect bump. I asked when she was due and she replied, "April."

Now that we don't have any bundles to be expecting, April the due date for our first loss, seems like a bigger deal to me than it had been. I could have been sporting a baby belly like that. But I'm not.

I kind of ignored the whisperings that day. The ones that said, "God is good, huh? Then why?"

The whisperings got louder on Sunday as I sat in church I heard little sounds that only a newborn could make. I was able to rejoice with my church family in the safe arrival of a new addition to the family. This little one and his family have had many challenges, and I truly do rejoice with them. But I won't deny there were tears in my eyes during worship when the question returned to my heart. "God is good? Then why are you empty?"

I started to think about this. Is losing a baby good? Not necessarily if you just look at the events. But can good happen from this? Yes, thanks to my one and only God. It's not the event that labels God good. God is good, regardless of the event. I can choose to look at life through events and label God, or I can choose to look at life through God and label events.

So, God is good. I choose to believe that today. What will you choose?

Choosing to see the blessings:

85. Discovering new beautiful places to explore close to home
86. Daddy time for a little boy
87. Being surrounded by good friends
88. Laughter and games with a friend
89. White snow, green pine, and deep blue sky
90. Musical crunch of snow underfoot
91. Group of various ages and experiences gather round table in study of God's Word
92. Jesus being the Prince of Peace when the world is not peaceful
93. Safe travel on snowy roads and in the clouds
94. Little Man sounding out text for the first time B- A- T!
95. Lessons learned and grace in the midst
96. A boy with a heart full of wanting to help
97. Sounds of newborn at church
98. Knowing God is good even when an event is not

God, Goodness, and Psalm 103 - Part 1

2011-02-17T06:00:00.003-05:00

I've been reading Psalm 103 often these days. It's kind of like the path I keep going back to when I feel lost. The path that leads me back to truth and realigns life so I am not so lost.

It's easy to get lost. It's easy to hear the words of the world around us, to feel the barb of circumstances, and then to forget what the truth is. The lostness seems to come when I begin to give in to the questions. Is God really good? I've been reminded in a book I am reading that this is the same question that Satan asked of Eve in the beginning. If he isn't giving you what you desire, is God really good? I don't want to fall to the same sin of my flesh's mother, so when I get lost in the question and it's sister question "Can you really trust God?" I find my way to the path of Psalm 103.

In the beginning of the Psalm there are directions. Directions that if I follow will start to clear away the clouds and point me in the right direction.
I particularly like the wording of the NLT:

"Praise the LORD, I tell myself; with my whole heart, I will praise his holy name. Praise the LORD, I tell myself, and never forget the good things he does for me. " Psalm 103:1-2

Sometimes to find the path, I have to tell myself to praise God. I have to praise him with my whole heart. I need to stop and count the good things he does. They are there. Even in the darkest of times, they are there. So, I stop. I notice. I count. The Psalmist started to count:
"who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's." Psalm 103:3-5

God forgives my sins. He gives mercy and grace.
He heals my diseases. My soul diseases, like leprosy of the heart, blindness of the soul, and lameness of the body. He heals my sin sick being.
He redeems my life. I was in a pit like the wearer of the multi-colored robe. I was left to die. But He paid for me. He lifted me up.
He crowned me with love and compassion. He saved me for His glory, but I wasn't just a notch on his belt or a conquest; He called me beloved.
He gives generously. He satisfies my desires.
Yes. That's true. Do I desire to be loved? Do I desire to belong? Do I desire to be free? Do I desire to know? Do I desire peace? Do I desire purpose? To all of these He's given abundantly. Like all the trees in the garden, he's produced an abundance for me to taste and enjoy. Who am I to pout and say, "But I want....(the thing He hasn't given)? Who am I to question? Praise and count. It's the first steps on the path back to truth.

"The LORD works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed. He made known his ways to Moses, his deeds to the people of Israel: The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us." Psalm 103:6-12

God reveals himself to His children. What do we find when He shows us who He is through his deeds? When my heart is wounded, I want to point to my bruises and my scratches. I want to focus on how He didn't come through. But then I'd also have to be honest. What do I mean He didn't come through? Isn't it really that He didn't do things the way I thought they should be done? Why does this blind me from all the good He does? Like the children of Isael I need to remember. I need to count the mana, the water from the rock, and sandals that don't wear out. And when I count, what do I find? Yes, the Lord is full of compassion, grace, patience and love. He doesn't treat me as I deserve. He doesn't pay me what I have earned. His love is measureless when we fear Him. We are forgiven by what He does. And when I count, I return to the right path.

What brings you back to the right path today?

God, Goodness and Psalm 103- Part 2

2011-02-16T20:51:00.003-05:00

Last week I shared that Psalm 103 has been my GPS so to speak. It's the Psalm that keeps pointing the way back to peace and joy with Him. Join me as we continue to look at the remaining ten verses of this Psalm.

"As a father has compassion on his children,so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust. The life of mortals is like grass, they flourish like a flower of the field; the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more. But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD’s love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children’s children— with those who keep his covenant and remember to obey his precepts." Psalm 103:13-18

As I shared earlier I tend to get lost when I listen to the father of lies instead of my Heavenly Father. It's amazing how quickly I can end up in a ditch and think that somehow it's God's fault that I'm here. That He's just not really a good Daddy. The light of truth burns bright in this Psalm. Just like earthly father's have compassion on their children, God has compassion on those who fear him. God feels the hurts of those who honor Him. He knows the weaknesses of those who hold him in awe. He knows we are but dust, that the glory of our lives is fleeting. He knows that what hurts me seems gigantic in the scale of my life. It's me who needs to be reminded. I need the reminder of what comes next- God's love is with me forever. As He is eternal, so is the love He gives me. His being and essence of righteousness remains the same. And with the reminder of His position, I see another step to take me back to the path. I am to obey and Him and walk in His covenant. I am to do what I know He says and leave the questions to Him. If they are to be answered, they will be. I am to trust and obey.

"The LORD has established his throne in heaven,and his kingdom rules over all. Praise the LORD, you his angels,you mighty ones who do his bidding,who obey his word. Praise the LORD, all his heavenly hosts, you his servants who do his will. Praise the LORD, all his works everywhere in his dominion.

Praise the LORD, my soul." Psalm 103:13-22

This is the one I am called on to trust and obey: The one whose throne is in heaven. The one who rules over all. The one who speaks and angels rush to do his bidding. The one that heavenly hosts serve. The one whose dominion has no boundaries. Yes, if He can rule all of this. If all of these obey and do as He ways without question, shouldn't I? When I am lost in the questions and begin to wonder who is God? Is He good? Can I trust Him? It's then that these words bring me back to the path and keep me walking with Him.

May your walk today be filled with the joy of His presence as you trust and obey.

Happy Valentine's Day

2011-02-14T12:44:00.005-05:00

On a day when the world around us celebrates love,
should we,
the ones who know Love,
who have experienced the redeeming Love,
who are called to love,
should we not take time to count the ways He loves us.

And oh how He loves us!

Counting God's Love Gifts for Me:

71. An evening to laugh and talk with ladies at church

72. A warm bowl of black eyed peas (a dish my husband greatly enjoys)

73. Snowshoing with family just after a fresh snow

74. A weary body after good day's work

75. Fllicking a switch and having lights go on

76. Son asking, "So what do you love about today?"

77. A friend who knows you

78. Being able to choose even what kind of toilet paper we use

79. Little man sandwiched on couch between two friends of mine who choose to love us with the nearness

80. Hot coffee waiting for me in the morning

81. Being blessed with physical health so that I can clean things

82. My husband's kiss

83. Little Man wrapping his arms around my neck to hug me during worship time at church

By the Numbers

2011-02-07T14:05:00.000-05:00

Sometimes counting blessings takes discipline. Sometimes it takes stopping to really look and take things in. Sometimes counting blessings is easy and the blessing come swooshing over you like a wave of love or a blizzard that blankets all in sight.

Whatever the situation, I'm going to count by the numbers and praise my God.

This week's numbers- #57-70

57. Spontaneous hugs and kisses from Little Man

58. Music and books making room time a fun time

59. Three year old ways- Little House on the Prairie being called Little House and the Fairy

60. Candles glowing on dark winter nights

61. Words that strike the heart and bring light like a match struck in the darkness

62. A steamy bowl of oatmeal on a snowy winter morn

63. Snow covering houses like icing and dusting trees like powdered sugar

64. Sun shining through skylights and brightening rooms after a storm

65. Searching God's Word for truth and finding precious pearls

66. The serenity of a boy taking an afternoon nap

67. A boy and a father taking an afternoon nap (on a different day from #66) and the hush of the house at this time

68. A family of "mice" under the blanket in the "mouse house"- and giggles of a three year old delighting in Mom and Dad playing along

69. Young women seeking to follow God in a world that threatens to trip them up, load them down, or hush the desire in their hearts

70. Simple joys in a church nursery as hands explore and play, hugs are given, and stories read

Gleanings from A Graceful Waiting

2011-02-03T20:37:00.002-05:00

Jan Frank compares waiting to the process of harvesting wheat. (A farmer's daughter reading a book with a farming image...good combination.) Forgive me as I process and learn by sharing things from this book over several posts. I hope you will also find some kernals of truth in what is shared.

Although I'd never personally threshed wheat, the analogy made a lot of sense to one who was at least familar with rubbing the dried wheat or rye stalks in my hand to get a taste of the kernals as I walked by a field. Harvesting wheat involves several steps in order to get to the clean kernals that can be processed into something more useable like flour. First the stalks must be cut and threshed, then they must be winnowed, and finally the grain is collected.

Threshing isn't a calm process. It involves seperating the grain from the head by basically beating it. It's a rough process. The grain gets knocked around and around so that it loosens from the chaff or junk that surrounds the kernal we want to harvest. It's a great association in my mind, becuase waiting usually makes me feel quite beat up in side, like I'm going to pieces in the process.

When the threshing is complete the kernal of grain is revealed, but it's also mixed in with a lot of debris. That's where winnowing fits in. The pile of good and not so good stuff is tossed into the air where breezes can carry away the lighter garbage and the wholesome kernals fall to the ground. Hasn't waiting also felt like lots of upheaval with emotions going this way and that? When all the chaff is finally blown away, the golden heart of the grain waits to be gathered.

So, like threshing and winnowing, waiting has a purpse in our lives. And God's threshing floor is filled with purpose. It's funny though how my heart is always filled with questions when I'm lying on the threshing floor and waiting. How silent God seems to those questions.

"What is God trying to teach me?"

"What does He want me to do?"

"Why is this happening to me?"

"How can I do this?"

"I know what God's said, I know who He is, but can I really trust Him?"

"Will this hurt? Will I be okay in the end?"

"What am I going to look like on the other side of this?"

That's how I respond to waiting. I start asking questions. And I was sure this asking of questions was not a part of godly waiting. I mean if I was waiting with faith, I wouldn't have doubt or fear or questions, would I? But is that really true? Often heros of the Bible asked questions when God was silent. It's what they did after they asked the questions...it's the surrendering to God and trusting Him that made them heros. Somehow, that's comforting. I can wait and ask questions. I just can't stop there though.

"Questioning is commincation and demonstrates a pursuit of knowledge and understanding. When we take our questions to God we are asking to know Him better."
Jan Frank

So, one thing I've gleaned from this book so far, is that the process of waiting can be filled with questions, as LONG as the questions draw us to know Him better. My prayer is that our waiting periods will bring a rich harvest of knowing our God for who He is and not who we think He is.

A choice

2011-01-31T14:38:00.005-05:00

Daily I have a choice. (Actually it's more of a moment by moment thing...)

I can look at what I don't have or at what I have.

I can look at what is lost or what is found.

I can look at what's missing or what is present.

I can lament what is lost or give thanks for what is given.

I'm going to to choose to give thanks. Now don't think that this is an easy thing. At the current moment I'm not feeling very thankful. I know in my head that I have ever so much to be thankful for. I know that without all God does I would have and be nothing. But the ache in my heart seems to cloud and muffle the truth in my head. So I choose to do what doesn't feel natural right now. I wouldn't even say that my thankful list is all that creative, all that deep, or all that wonderful. But I am going to choose to give thanks for these things and for this day.

Maybe that's part of what faith is all about. Knowing that what is seen is not really what is. Hmm... sounds like a verse doesn't it? Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1 (ESV)

Today may you give thanks. Maybe it's thanks that is easy to give because the visual evidence is great. Maybe it's thanks by faith. Regardless, I hope you will give thanks.

Thankful this past week for:

43. A bath time in which Little Man's hair was washed and their were no tears

44. Hearing my boys playing in the basement

45. Having enough and more than enough and making decisions on how to share it

46. A like minded husband (in some areas)

47. Extra clothes to share

48. Reading MANY books to Little Man

49. A request for "mommy time"

50. A book that seems to express what I've felt and words of wisdom

51. A 20% off entire purchase including sales item coupon

52. Pajamas

53. Compliments from my husband (honey to the heart)

54. Colored noodles waiting to be turned into a project

55. God listening even when He feels far away

56. Homemade pizza

Waiting

2011-01-28T21:26:00.003-05:00

A page from my journal....

Why is waiting so difficult? Why is it that my heart rebels and races? Why do I feel so desperate to move on, to adjust, to reach the of this?

Look at the world you created, God. It's full of examples of the need to wait. A seed tucked in the dark earth. It's not what it will one day be. I wonder does it desire to know the future? Does it think it should be a strong seed, invincible to crack open? Does it think it should produce seeds just like it- one or two, and then go on to live a long happy life? What happens when dark circumstances close in? Or when the shell is cracked open and tender roots push out? And then what does it think when the seed is drawn on for nourishment and diminishes to the plant with leaves reaching sun and roots deep in earth? Or does it rest in knowing this is its purpose- the whole journey- and not think to question what God has ordained?

There is waiting in so many things. Time that ticks by so slowly is used by your mighty hand for what will day be visible. Help me to trust in the waiting. Help me to rest in you as I wait for what you will do. Help me to work and live in the waiting.

Do I need to have a vision of the future? Is it important? If it is important, I want the vision you give. Help me to yield my dreams to what you have planned. Because I know what you have planned is beyond what I can think or imagine. (Ephesians 3:20)

Since I wrote this in my journal, I've received a book I ordered on waiting. A Graceful Waiting by Jan Frank has thus far been an incredible read. Sometimes she shares from her own journal, and I feel like she's speaking thoughts I've also had. I know God's Word is our first place to look in all things, but I'm grateful that He also uses others in the body to share their experiences to cut into His Word and help us digest it all. I'll be sharing more about my reading!

1,000 Gifts begats 30 more

2011-01-24T15:22:00.004-05:00

If you're familiar with "bloggerland", then I'm sure you've met Ann at A Holy Experience. If you haven't traveled to her site, please do so. You won't regret your journey.

For about a year now this woman's words have gripped and stirred me. A person that I've never met face to face or spoken with on the phone. I quietly read post after post and don't leave any comments, but yet feel that I feel a sisterhood with her through faith and loves of the heart. I'd never joined in her counting of 1,000 gifts, even though I'd heard the call. With the publication of her book the call grew louder, but still I resisted. I didn't that is until this new year, when I received an agenda notebook as a Christmas gift. A daily organizer with places to record my to-do list, my ideas for Little Man's schooling times, our meals for the week, and a space to list the gifts. I dedicated a block for counting the gifts. Even if they were never shared, I'd count.

And so I began when we returned from Christmas travels. The first full week was January 3rd. I began:

1. Good travels on our 9 hour trip

2. An ill husband who made the trip without really getting sick

And then January 4th came- A day that challenged this feeble attempt. With the show of blood and the questions of our baby's future, would I keep counting?

I did:

3. Little Man's sweet caring ways

4. God's truth that doesn't change despite our circumstances

and I counted some more:

5. We weren't away like we'd planned to be when we had to deal with this

6. The support of family and friends

7. Husband being off during this time and his sweet love

8. Our Little Dream slipping away while Little Man slept

9. Songs on a new CD to minister God's presence in a perfect way

10. Time out with a dear friend

I share this to say how great I am or how strong I am. I haven't even read Ann's book yet. It's still traveling the miles to my home and my hands. But I recognize the truth that praising God at all times is an act of obedience to a God who deserves that praise even when we question it, and that by counting the gifts we are changed. I want to encourage you to count your gifts. Mine don't sound like poetry as some people's lists do. Yes, they are simple. This past week they contained the gifts of chocolate pound cake and a friendly snowman in a neighbor's yard. But it's really not the gift we're pursuing is it, it's the Giver of the gifts.

I'm counting and have pursued Him by listing a paltry 30 gifts thus far. Will you pursue the Giver of all good things with me and start your own list?

Four Ways to Attend the Bride

2011-01-20T14:06:00.001-05:00

Martha Lawley, author of Attending the Bride of Christ, suggests there are four primary things we should be about in preparing the church for her marriage to Christ.

1. Worship

2. Instruction

3. Fellowship

4. Evangelism

There’s really nothing earth shattering about these areas. We are to worship God. That can look like a bunch of different things, but at the heart it’s our response to God’s truth. Are you meeting regularly with other Christians, focusing your attention on God’s truth, and responding in your heart and in your day to day life to Him?

We are to be instructed. We’re to commit ourselves to meeting with our church family for instruction- from the pulpit, in the classroom, from each other. Yes, the Bible is our primary text, the Holy Spirit, our primary interpreter, but we need each other to learn. We should be studying throughout the week and meeting regularly to share and encourage. Are you part of a group in your local church that is committed to studying and learning God’s truth?

We are to fellowship in our local body. Now, that doesn’t mean we’re to have pot lucks ever week, but rather we are to share in life and walk together. It doesn’t mean attending formal gatherings, but investing in time with each other. We are to be real. We are to be trustworthy with other’s hearts. We are to share burdens and celebrate over victories and praises. This doesn’t just happen by gathering together once a week. We need to work together, play together, pray together, and walk together. Do people really know you and have fellowship with you? Are you investing in relationships in your church body?

We are to evangelize. Yes, that means everybody in our church body! Some of us are gifted with evangelism, but the command is given by God for all of us to share the Good News. Do you realize the Good News is what it’s all about? God has done something wonderful in your life. Share it! You may not think it’s all that exciting, but to many it’s the balm for their wounded hearts. Testify to what God has done. Give Him the glory. Speak of His works. You will be a light. As a body work to unified. Jesus prayed that we would be one as He and the Father are one. Our relationship with each other in the body speaks tremendously to the world. Are you sharing or saving things up for a later time? Share now! You never know when the groom may return.

It’s my hope that this series on the church has made you think and encouraged you in some way. Until He comes back for us, may we all be about serving the Bride!

Attending the Bride

2011-01-19T14:06:00.001-05:00

In Jewish tradition the betrothal or time of was a very busy time for the bride. It was a time for following after holiness and for preparing for her future life with her husband. Besides spiritual preparation there were also physical garments to get ready and other things that would be needed in her household. This preparation was not a solitary one though. The entire community would join the bride in her preparations.

As believers we are also bridal attendants. We have a job to help the bride prepare for her wedding day. We see this in the parable Jesus gives in Matthew 25:1-13. We have work to do. But what is this work? Is it attending worship services when I feel like it or it’s convenient? Is it being involved in every single aspect of church life so that the church couldn’t really function without my being present (or so I believe)? What is the motivation for one attending the bride of Christ? What is the mission?

The work of the bridal attendants is to serve and care for the church so that she can complete her special call. She is called to be holy, set apart like her betrothed. She is called to hold forth the truth, the Word, to be a witness of who God is to a world that does not know Him. . She is called to love the lost world and share with them the message that Jesus has made a way for them to be in right relationship with God. She is called to train up believers so that they bear the image of Christ. She is called to love her beloved steadfastly and above all others and to remain pure for Him, not bowing her heart in idolatry.

Those are some pretty lofty endeavors. The exciting thing is that God has called you to have a role in completing this mission. What’s even better is that the mission’s success really doesn’t depend on my efforts. John 15 shows us that God wants to supply all we need to fulfill this mission. He wants to be the power source for all that we do. We are to live connected to Him, in awareness of Him, and in dependence on Him.

Take a few moments to think about these things and talk to God about them.

1. What is your attitude toward serving the church?

2. Why are you a part of a church? What is your mission?

3. What is your power source for fulfilling that mission?

The Church and Happily Ever After

2011-01-17T20:49:00.003-05:00

Last month I did a great study that really got me thinking about the church. Since writing is a great way to process what you learn, I'd like to invite you to share in my learning.

When we hear the word "church" we think many things. For me I at first picture the little white country church I grew up next to. Then the image shifts to the faces I see ever Sunday. Another shake of the word, and I think bigger and picture believers in all their array of cultures bowing before the king. So why a study on the church? Why is the church important? How is the church a body? Why am I talking about brides and weddings?

The church is called to be God’s witness to the world and to bring God glory here on earth. There is the global church made of all who believe that Jesus- died for their sins, -is alive, and -is coming for them one day! But the global church is made up of smaller groups of believers who gather locally to meet and carry out God’s mission in their neighboring areas.

Romans 12:5 reminds us that the church is made of many members, but is united as one. It’s truly an amazing plan. You and I are each gifted in individual and specific ways. None of has all we need to walk through this life on earth. It’s a given that we need God for every aspect of life, but God also created us to need the gifts other have, much like your body needs your legs, and your heart needs your lungs. You have a role in His church. God doesn’t need you, but instead has graciously included you in His work and wants to take you on a wild adventure with Him as He works in and through you.

The church is also compared to a bride several places in the Bible. In II Corinthians 11:2 Paul desires to present believers as a pure bride to her husband. He also uses the idea of a bride when he uses the relationship of Jesus and the church to teach husbands and wives how to treat each other in Ephesians 5. The imagery culminates in John’s vision in Revelation 19:6-9 when the wedding of the Lamb is joyfully celebrated. The Lamb, Jesus, is completing His marriage to His beloved, the church.

Talk about a love story! He’s betrothed to the church, specially picked for Him by his father. He offers her the bride cup at his last supper. He prays for her. He pays the bride price for her with is own blood. He leaves her a written agreement, His very living Word. And he goes to prepare a place for her in His father’s house. He promises that He will come again for her when the Father tells him it is time. And until then, during the waiting time she is to commit herself to holiness and prepare herself for her groom. One day the King of Kings, the Prince of Peace will ride to her again on a white horse, sweep her off her feet and carry her home to heaven. There the kingdom will be fulfilled and all will be well forever and ever. Now that may sound like a fairy tale, but it’s in God’s Word and so we know it’s not a made up fantasy.

So does that mean believer should just sit back and wait for her hero to return? Not really. Stick with me and we’ll see why our involvement in the church is such a big deal!

When God speaks...

2011-01-17T14:43:00.003-05:00

This morning I came across these words in Psalm 103:1-5.

1 Praise the LORD, my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
2 Praise the LORD, my soul,
and forget not all his benefits—
3 who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
5 who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

I think I should camp out and study this Psalm. I'll probably post more about it after I work through the writings I've started on the church.

Don't worry, I'm not claiming it as a promise that God will give us everything we desire. But there's a LOT of encouragement in these words. There is much to praise God for. Much to turn my attention from myself. God gives such good things and wants to satisfy our desires with good things. He wants our best. He knows that when we're satisfied with his best we are strong. That's especially encouraging as I've been pretty weary the past few days.

Imagine how my heart danced later today when Ethan grudgingly went for a walk with me and we spotted two eagles soaring above us. Yes, I think I have some encouragement today from my Father.

Will you praise Him with me?

How beautiful….

2011-01-17T14:30:00.001-05:00

During these past few weeks our local body of Christ has ministered to us in tremendous ways. They have recalled God’s works, pointed to His Word, and continued to walk beside us letting their love and presence be known. We are humbled and grateful.

Before Christmas God prompted me to pick up a study I had on my “one day I’d like to” list. “Attending the Bride of Christ” was a study I needed to get me back on track, to love the body and to lovingly serve her in preparation for our marriage to Christ. I didn’t realize that shortly after finishing the study, God would show me just how crucial being involved in a local church was or how beautiful His plan for the church is.

If you are not connected to a local church, I strongly urge you to pray for God’s guidance and to get connected and be committed. If you are attending a local body but you aren’t really involved, I encourage you to pray also for God’s leading and to investigate ways you can be committed. If you are questioning what difference it makes if you’re involved and feeling like you’re just there to be obedient, I pray that God will speak to you in the days ahead and help you search out the purpose of his church and your role in it.

Please join me in the next few days as I “digest” some of my learning and share with you what I’ve been learning about the church and my part in serving her.

Sharing a Song or Two

2011-01-11T09:42:00.004-05:00

It's always been music that has been able to slip deep into my soul and allow God to help heal the broken places. It's always been music that has created a special avenue for God's words and truth to abide in my mind. Have you found that to be at least somewhat true in your own life? Aren't there songs that just seem to bring God's throne a little closer to earth for you?

Well, as I faced the challenges in the last few days, it's been no surprise that music has been a key part in God's touching my heart. I'd like to share both some songs and some words in hope that they may encourage you or spur you on to find your own "theme music".

For those of you know me for a long time, you know my ongoing connection with Isaiah 40:31. This has been an important verse to my life since high school days. Not being a waiter by nature, God continually speaks to me on this subject. There have been many songs that have also spoken to me on the subject. A few months ago this song caught my attention and I began to hang on to it as I continued to wait for what I hoped would be a yes to my desire.

Ironically the song that I have really desired to hear more of took a while to come to my hands. I'd heard John Waller's "While I'm Waiting" and immediately was taken with the message found in the lyrics. Waiting is not about doing nothing. It's about worshipping and obeying as you wait for what God will show you next. I received the CD for Christmas, and it was this CD that I chose to listen to the night we miscarried.

As we know so often God does have not only just what we need, but more than what we need if we wait for him. There are several songs on the "While I'm Waiting" CD that have gripped me. One of them though seems like just the perfect song for this next bend in the road - a bend that requires faith.

So what songs are speaking to you right now? How grateful I am to God for the gift He's given us in music. God is good. Let's keeping walking by faith, shall we?

A Greater Silence

2011-01-06T07:16:00.003-05:00

I know it's been ages since I've posted here. Looking back at what I posted last, you can hear in the silence the waiting and maybe some of the fear. I've been fearful to share too much during those months, fearful that I'd already shown too much of my heart and not sure if I wanted that.

But as the journey has progressed, with new bends in the road, I've been challenged. How does God receive the glory He is due if we don't share our lives- the good, the bad, the hopes, the disappointments? If our story is really His story, then don't we need to let others read it and hear it? Being transparent like that is scary to me. I'm not sure why, but it is? Am I fearful of judgment or fearful that I'll fail some standard set by myself or others? But again, if it's all really about God, why should I fear? If I truly believe He's the one responsible for shaping me and molding me, isn't my job to respond to Him and be a part of His body.

So here I am to break the silence. My heart's prayer is that in breaking the silence, God does receive the glory due to Him.

The story begins with a desire. A desire that isn't bad, but one that if unchecked and not brought before him continually could take the wrong place in my life. Although we are blessed with one wonderful little boy, my husband and I both have dreams of another child being added to the family. After having a child fairly easily the first time around we were unprepared for the journey God has had us on. After months of trying and riding quite the emotional rollar coaster, we finally had wonderful news in August 2010. A little one would be joining us! We told a few dear ones, but even as the news was reaching those people, that little life would slip away. It was hard to understand at this point. There were wrestlings in my heart. Why the waiting? Was the desire wrong? What did it mean to have the desire met and then to have the baby taken away? I felt like I was revisting some of the same issues I faced when my Mom passed away? Could I trust God's plan for my life? Would it be painful? Was it really the best thing?

God is faithful. I know that. During an incredible women's retreat in October he reminded me of truths I knew, but had allowed to slip away a bit. I was challenged to look at things with nevertheless faith. Faith that looks at the circumstances and then looks at God's truth and says even though this is the circumbstance, nevertheless, this is what I know to be true about God. It was amazing how that whole retreat seemed to speak to my heart. What a joy to receive God's love and encouragment.

And what a greater joy when the following month we learned we were pregnant again. I had feared this one might slip away also, but as morning sickness took hold and we saw our first ultrasound immage, confidence built. Joy abounded. At last our desire was happening. I began to dream even more about July and the following months.

Christmas came and we neared the end of the first trimester. We shared our joyful news and savored the blessing with family and friends. The new year began and I began to wonder about what 2011 would bring? How would I deal with being a new mother again? What would ministry look like this year? What would God teach us? I'll admit there's always I small part of me wondering when the tough times will come, so I also pondered what trials might come. I'm always one for a theme, so I wondered about the word that might summarize the year and the verse I might hold on to.

I didn't have an answer to those questions on January 1st, but I know God would work and I'd just have to wait to find out. Well, I'm not here to announce I have a theme for the year or a verse, but I can definately say God is at work and giving me an opportunity to grow in His image and know Him more fullly.

On January 4th I started bleeding and the tears and fears came. I was still hopeful, but my heart also knew I God could be inviting me to follow Him down a path I wasn't sure I wanted to go on. The following day an ultrasound confirmed our fears. Our baby had died, there was no heartbeat. There was only a greater silence.

January 7th we miscarried. It's a process I don't really want to experience again. In the midst of our sorrow we do see God's hand of blessing. We had planned to be out of state this week, but not only didn't that happen, but that meant my husband had extended vacation time. Our son slept peacefully in the early part of the night while we dealt with the miscarriage at home. We have family away and a church family close by that love us, pray for us, and support us. Yes, God has provided greatly for this challenge.

And the days ahead will be challenging I know this. I fear I will later allow the questions and feelings to overtake the faith that I turn to so easily at this point in time. I fear what the year will hold, as I turn the pages on a calendar that was to hold special events. I fear what will happen if there is a next time. Yes, I am very human and very real. But I am grateful, so grateful that as much as I want to hold on to God at this time, He wants to hold on to me. So for tonight, I rest in that. I know He can be trusted above my own understanding. And so for now, my silence is broken by these words,

"Trust the Lord at all times, O people. Pour out your hearts to Him for God is our refuge." Psalm 62:8

My prayer tonight is that as I break my silence, you will be encouraged. That you will hold on to God's truth despite your circumstances. That you will share your story so that He is glorified. To God be all glory and honor.

Trust and obey

2010-03-31T13:05:00.006-04:00

I've had the pleasure recently to be studying and teaching my high school girls class the stories of Genesis. What a rich and wonderful time it's been! Scripture has the danger of becoming dull when we become too familiar with the text and glance over it, but when the Holy Spirit fans it into flame in our hearts, how warm and satisfying the glow. I'm blown away by how much is found in just the first four chapters of Genesis. Take a look for yourself and then ask these questions: What does this teach me about God? What does this teach me about man? What does this teach me about sin? How does this apply to me? The rest of the Bible builds and develops the teachings found here. It's all right there in the beginning.

And one of the big things I've been thinking about is the issue of trusting and obeying. God desired that man would trust Him and obey Him. It didn't matter if it made sense or not. God said to eat of all the trees in the garden, but not to eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. We didn't have to know more than that. He asked us to trust and obey.

That same theme keeps popping up in Genesis. Noah is asked to build an ark because God's going to cause it to rain and rain and rain. Doesn't matter that it's not raining now, that it never has rained before, and that Noah doesn't know what rain is. God said to do it. Trust and obey.

Abraham is told to leave his country and go to the country God would give him. Doesn't matter that he doesn't know where this final destination is when he packs up the tents and loads up the camels. God said to do it. Trust and obey.

Abraham is told that God will make him into a great nation and that all the peoples on the earth will be blessed. Doesn't matter that Abraham isn't a spring chicken and he doesn't have an heir. God said it would happen. Trust and obey.

So, what does this mean in your life? What has God told you or not told you that you need to trust and obey Him on? For me, it's that waiting thing from a few posts back. When the answers, "No, not yet." I need to trust and obey. I need to trust His timing. I need to trust His plan. I need to trust that a no IS the best He has planned for me. I need to obey and use the strength of His truth to quiet the doubts and buzz of voices that say it's because I'm not good enough. I need to thank Him for what I do have, not focus on what I don't.

Funny, but also kind of sad, how life for us is still very much dealing with the same issues from in the beginning. May you trust and obey, my friends.

Winter Crud and Spring Cleaning

2010-03-09T20:30:00.002-05:00

For those of you who live in the north, you know what March means. Here in Maine we're usually still experiencing snow cover, but it's tired and dreary, the bland white of a pair of sneakers that's seen many miles. This year the snow is losing the fight early, but the crud of winter is still here. The lawn is brown and blah, the trees are bare and dreary, and everywhere there is the remnant of grit. It really gets to me.

Seems like my spiritual life can have the same feel, if I allow it. I can feel blah and bleak. I can feel crummy and dirty. I've been challenged to allow God to do some Spring Cleaning in my soul. I want Him to open up the windows and doors of my heart and let His fresh Spirit stir me anew. I want Him to wash away the layers of crud that build up by being insensitive and selfish. I desire Him to sweep up the debris from brokenness and hardness.

He's doing that. As I spend time in His Word, pray, and rub shoulders with God's people He's at work. There's hope in this spring cleaning and newness of life. I hope you will allow Him to do some seasonal work on your soul as well.

Lessons in the Waiting

2010-02-26T14:56:00.006-05:00

How patient are you? What do you do while you are waiting?

Overall, I'm not very good at waiting. I'm patient in some areas. For instance, I'll take a slow cooked homemade recipe any day over a fast food variety. But in other ways, I'm terrible. I think that's why I've always treasured the words of Isaiah 40:31. God knows I'm not good at waiting on Him, but He's so good to work on me in this area and encourage me with His Word.

So recently I've been waiting. And it's obvious that I'm terrible at it. I hate how I deal with this time. My first response is to get frustrated. Then I try to figure out ways to work through the waiting. Then I begin to take it out on others. Of course, somewhere in there I probably shed some tears, too. Much of what I do though is focused on my own strengths and reveal my weaknesses.

So how are we supposed to respond to waiting? God's Word gives us instruction to turn our hearts toward God at this time. Psalm 27:14 encourages to be strong and wait on the Lord. I believe His Word also encourages us to be strong for a reason. Waiting isn't twiddling our thumbs. Instead it's digging hard into the disciplines we may not feel like doing as we wait. We are to continue praying, reading His Word, spending time with Him, serving others in love. These are things, I know, but still find hard to apply.

Recently God slowed me down to examine my heart as I wait. I actually find this time around I am thankful for this time of waiting. I'm thankful, because first, the answer to my prayer has been wait and not no. I guess it's selfish, but it's dear to me that the door isn't slammed shut on my hopes. Then as I thought on this more, God helped lead to me to be thankful for the lessons I might learn while I wait, because you see, the answer could still be no. And if the answer is no, I may gain far more than the if the answer is yes and I don't learn some lessons in the waiting. So, I'm rejoicing that God knows best and is going to do a good work through this time. May I come through this time of waiting being more in the image of my Lord!

And may you also rejoice in what God is teaching you whether through the yeses, nos, or waits of life!

I wait for you, O Lord; you will answer, O Lord my God. Psalm 38:15

A Mighty Whisper

2010-02-21T06:30:00.005-05:00

This morning as I was reading through my devotions, I was drawn to these words in Job 26:14 (CEV). "We only hear a whisper of him." Job was recounting to his three friends how mighty and awesome God is. Job recognized that God was God. He is the only one who can do things like, "stretch the northern sky over empty space" and "hang the earth on nothing". He is the one "draws the horizon like a circle on the water at the place where light and darkness meet" and makes the "heaven's foundations shake when he thunders at them." And yet at the end of this description of tremendous power Job shares that this is only a small part of God's works. That we only hear a whisper of him. We can't truly comprehend his great power.

We only hear a whisper. God is so vast. So mighty. It just doesn't sink in. Recently I've studied the account of creation and been brought to my knees by the awesomeness of our God. He spoke and things came into being. He created from nothing. He ordered and designed in intricate detail and yet stretched his creation over great heights and distances. Here when I read Job I'm challenged to remember that all this is just a whisper of God. What mighty Holiness is in His depths! Do you want to know this God more? I do. I want to tune in to the whisper and then hear even more. That's quite a challenge when the noise of the world is loud. I think that's another reason why I'm called to be still and know God. It's only in being still that we can hear the whisper and what is beyond the whisper. Come and be still with me today. Listen and worship!

2010-02-06T14:54:00.003-05:00

For God’s gifts and his call can never be withdrawn. Romans 11:29

As I was studying yesterday, I came across this verse. I thought hmm...I want to ponder that one some more and made a mental sticky note to come back to this. Now, sometimes when I make mental sticky notes they get lost far easer than the real Post-it variety, but this time, I remembered and took some time to look at the verse again.

Wow. Let those words sink in. In the NCV it reads, "God never changes his mind about the poopole he calls and the things he gives them."

The context of the verse is Paul reminding Gentile Roman Christians that God has chosen the Jewish people and still has a special plan for them even though Christ made a way for ALL people to be saved. It's an important thing to remember. As I've been reading through Genesis again I've been struck by how much these people are like me. God says do this. It's good. I don't do it. God says don't do this. It's bad. I do it. I make things and want people to look at me and not God. God gives a promise and I try to have it happen in my own way and in my time. God says don't go there, and I try to negotiate with Him, but end up needing to flee and go where he told me to anyway. These are just a few of the simliarities. But as I review the lives of these people and their relationship with God, I'm so grateful for their scenes in God' story. Because when I read Romans 11:29 and remember these lives, I'm reminded again that God knows what he's doing. He's not surprised by my failings and He will use me if I will turn to Him and allow Him. He has chosen me. He has gifted me.

The same is true with you if you have a relationship with God through Jesus Christ. You have been chosen. You have been gifted. You will stumble, but neither of those things will be taken from you. God will still chose you. God has still given you tasks that require the gifts He has given you. So, if you've tripped up recently, dust yourself off, remind yourself of God's truth and keep doing what He's told you to do!

Silence

2010-01-29T14:30:00.004-05:00

Sometimes silence on a blog is due to business.

Somtimes silence on a blog is due to not having much to say.

Sometimes silence on a blog is due to not knowing what to say.

But sometimes the silence is caused by not being sure you want people to really read what you say! During the month I've had some still moments and during those times God has been showing me some things. He's shown me some things that are hard to see in me and even harder to know how to write about. It seems though that one of those things needs to be shared now. My hope is that it will encourage or spur others on and also help me to allow God to change my heart on the matter.

I often call Jesus, "Lord". Do you? When I pray I often address him as Lord. "Lord, I would like this. Lord, I'd like this to happen at this time. Lord, I don't want this to happen, could you fix it? Lord, please heal this person. Lord, please help this situation." I call Him Lord, but am I treating Him as Lord?

I've been struck by that especially this week. I wanted news of something this week. I was hoping for something. It didn't happen. Not having this thing happen throws off other plans and dreams. My plans and dreams. My initial reaction was very emotional. My words were, "Lord, what are you doing?" That's when He showed my problem to me. If He's Lord, then He gets to do things His way and in His time. Right?

Then I started digging deeper in my heart and let him shine the light there. There's a difference between making plans with the Lord still being Lord of them and making plans and expecting the Lord to put His blessing on them. I've been falling way to often into the later category. It's not where I want to be. But when I am honest with what I see in the light, I'm more than just a little afraid of what it means to let Jesus be Lord of those plans. Any one else feel like that?

I am afraid. Afraid of what it means to change and treat Him really as Lord. Afraid of how far reaching the roots of the problem may be and how entwined my Lordship issue is into other things. But I also am afraid of what it means to NOT have him be Lord. I think this fear is stronger than the first. And so I pray. "LORD, I want you to be LORD of all in my heart, in my life, in my mind, in my dreams. Show me where you're not and help me bring this area of my heart to submission. I want no other to be ruler. Drive out the fear that causes me to cling to my idols, my plans, my gods of judgement and order. Let me see as you see...see what is not like you and then see how the blood of Jesus covers me to make me acceptable to you. Let me not stay the same. Let me plan and dream, but only with you having authority to fulfill in your ways and times. You are Lord." Amen.

New Year and Returning

2010-01-01T15:12:00.006-05:00

The silence has been long. It's been caused by life and time splintered into many directions. What time I have to fling words into cyberspace has been taken by other outlets. I've wondered if the silence should be permanent. This isn't the space I had hoped it would be. I don't like not keeping up with something or making it what my dreams are. And my time is torn between wanting to craft a place in this computer world community and ministering to the real world people around me.

But today I return. I return to share the kindness of my God. New years always produce a need to reflect, to account, to recount, to look ahead and try to align once again my reality and my dreams. Usually I desire my year to have some kind of theme. I look back and then want to label the year. I want to name it in some fashion, to summarize it with a word. 2009 was the year of settling. It was settling in good ways. It was finding my place as a mom. It was settling into roles of service in my local church. It was wrapping roots around friends and claiming them as mine in even deeper and truer ways. It was nesting in our home and finding joy in keeper of this haven. It was solidly knowing my husband and appreciating this one that is walking beside me. But the danger with settling is that you can become too comfortable. And that has been what has been scratching at the door of my heart the past few weeks. Have I become too comfortable that I'm more interested in settling than following the one who promises the greatest adventure ever in life? By nature I'm more timid and love routines and sameness. But my heart longs to follow my God on the path He has for me and not one of my own making.

So as I look to 2010 my mind has been turning with questions and wonderings. What is this year to hold and what must I do to be where God wants be to be? What attitudes must I strive to develop? What things must I cease doing in my own energies? I've been praying and asking God to give me something of Him to start this new year.

And I'm humbled to see that He has. Yesterday as I walked with Little Man in the newly fallen snow, he spoke in soft whispers. In the delicate flakes caught in my hair I found what my soul was looking for. I forgot the beauty in those tiny cold crystals. The flakes were small, but large enough that you could see incredible details in each one. The intricacy was amazing. And I was reminded that I don't pause to contemplate things like this enough. God has much to share, but I rush around trying to do things and the dust can hardly settle in all my striving. So in the quiet snow I was reminded, "Be still and know that I am God. I will be honored by every nation. I will be honored throughout the world." Psalm 46:10. And that's what I desire of this year. I want to be still. I want to cease thinking I have to be it all and do it all. I want to take time to look for Him and know Him. I want to know God. Not the God that I try to keep in my comfortable box, but know what He will share of His Wild Holiness. I want to know His heart and tune my own to it. I want to unsettle my notions and have Him shake me up with His crazy divine love. I want to know God not as my little God in suburbia postmodern America, but rather as the true God of the nations. The Holder and Keeper of the World that desires to have us all draw close and be in relationship with Him.

These sound like mighty ideas for this year. I'm not sure what will happen. I know He invites me to this. I know that He will reveal as He sees fit and as I allow my heart to be still for Him to do so. Like my uncertainties about this blog, I don't know if I'll live up to all that I hope I can. But I am willing to try today and benefit from what I learn today and return once again if I depart.

What about you? What is God desiring to share with you this year? Have you sought His point of view on the matter? Are you willing to be unsettled...maybe even unsettled from the typical new year's resolutions and goals? I hope you'll share what you've heard so that others can be encouraged and encourage you, too!

A Mommy's Peek into our Father's Heart

2009-11-10T10:55:00.003-05:00

I guess in a way I am being blessed. At least, I'm trying to see the good in the situation. Last night and this morning our Little Man has been having difficulty in the area of obedience. And boy have I been praying for wisdom! Although it hasn't been easy, I'm thankful that he is fighting some of these battles now AND that I can appreciate more all that God has done for me.

Around seven this morning we were getting juice to go along with our gingerbread waffles that were in the waffle iron. Little Man did not like the choice of cups I gave him and threw them on the floor. This means that he must pick them up and in the past has been the beginning of a battle. He choose the battle again. It's a hard battle. Maybe it's hard because he's strong willed or a toddler. Maybe it's hard because we as parents aren't doing something right. I don't know. But I do know that Little Man needs to learn to obey what God says to do, and right now God has given his parents the job to train him in obedience. Righting a wrong and following the way he is told to do it is important training. So, we press on.

But as we press on I get a peek into our Father's Heart. Life is SO much happier and simpler when we obey, isn't it? We know that, but seeing a two year old not get to enjoy breakfast, cuddle with his stuffed animals, or watch a NEW episode of a favorite show on television brings the point home to me. I want to bless my son. I want to pour out good things on his life. I want him to enjoy life. But because of his choices, that didn't happen. He missed out. The waffles got cold, the boy fell asleep alone, and the episode on TV played without him.

How much do I miss out on what God so very much wants to bless me with? How much do I miss because I want to hold out to control the situation, or I want to do it my way? I miss out. I know I do. And what I miss out on most is the closeness of my relationship with God. Little Man and I didn't get to play much last night or this morning because we were dealing with disobedience. We didn't get to laugh and imagine and learn together. The spark was gone. Even more than the other blessings, the relationship is the most important thing.

How wonderful God is to wait for us to return to Him. To give us opportunity after opportunity to turn around and obey. And then the joy that is felt when the relationship is restored. Last night when Little Man did what was required and then came running to me, what joy was in my heart to have him back, doing what was good, and showing his love by obedience. This has to be a shadow of what God feels. How I want to fill his heart when he sees me turn and obey! Don't you?

Aren't you glad our Father loves us so? I am. And I love my Little Man so, and pray that when we awakes, he will choose to turn and obey. And if he doesn't, like My Father, I will wait for Him and love Him while I wait.

Ah ha moment

2009-10-26T08:00:00.000-04:00

Funny how sometimes you can be reading God's Word and you know you've read it before, but you just NEVER saw it. I had one of those AH HA moments the other day. During my reading time I was reading through Ezekiel 34. God was raking the leaders (or shepherds) of Israel over the coals. He wasn't pleased about they way they are leading His people. They are allowing them to preyed on, to wander around lost, and to starve. He tells them that they are his enemies and that he will hold them responsible for what happens to them. He is removing them from their positions as shepherd. (Some weighty words for those of us who lead others!)

But then came the ah-ha moment. Keep reading Ezekiel 34:11-24. He tells us that He himself will their shepherd. He tells them that he will search for the sheep and find them. He will rescue them and bring them back. He will feed them and give them pleasant places to lie down. He tell us he will be all the things that the shepherd in Psalm 23 is. But I've read some where else that Jesus is a Good Shepherd, haven't you? In John 10:10-21 when Jesus equates himself to being a Good Shepherd he wasn't just paining a word picture that people could understand. He was using the picture from Ezekiel to further confirm His role and mission. Don't you love when you find a buried treasure in Scripture and realize God has made his message so obvious if we will but look and listen!

The rest of the passage in Ezekiel also says that this good shepherd will judge between the fat and scrawny sheep and the sheep and goats. He will judge those that trample on others, that squash others down, that let them remain in their poor conditions. That reminds me of something else Jesus talked about in Matthew 25:31-46.

Have you had any ah-ha moments lately? I hope so!

Where are you standing?

2009-10-24T13:18:00.003-04:00

My blogging here has been infrequent, but that doesn't mean I haven't had things I've wanted to share. It's just been harder balancing everything this day, and unfortunately this is the place where I often let things go.

A while I go I was reading Ezekiel and Ezekiel 22:30-31 grabbed my attention. It says, "I looked for someone who might rebuild the wall of righteousness that guards the land. I searched for someone to stand in the gap of the wall so I shouldn't have to destroy the land, but I found no one." WOW.

The wall of righteousness that guarded the land had been torn down. Unrighteousness could easily creep in and take hold of the inhabitants. When I thought about this in my life I applied it to my family. God has built a wall of righteousness around my family by his grace. I don't want that wall to be torn down. I want to set on its watchtowers and be sure it is not compromised. I want to care for it and maintain it.

I also thought of our nation. On some days it certainly does seem like the wall has crumbled. When you look in the news and at the things being considered in legislature and issues in the next election, and you see many areas where righteousness has fallen.

God continues in this verse, "I looked for someone to stand in the gap of the wall so I wouldn't have to destroy the land..." There is a breech and God was looking for someone to enter that broken space and stand for truth. Am I ready to do that for my nation? Am I ready to stand up and be counted for righteousness?

Sadly in Ezekiel, God doesn't find someone ready to stand in the gap, and so the consequence is that the land is destroyed. I don't want that to happened to my land. I don't want to face the wrath of God in order to have us repent and bow to Him. I want to learn the lesson now without the dire consequences. Judgement I believe has already started, but will increase as we continue to let the wall be broken. I am challenged to take action.

Now I'm not someone who is very politically active. I'm not someone who likes to get in people's faces with truth. But I do need to take a stand. I need to know what God says is right and live by it. I need to be active and in the gap, and not hiding out in a church pew. I need to know what is happening in my world and speak with a respectful, knowledgeable, voice. I need to love the people around me and show that love through actions. I need to pray for my nation and be humble before God, interceding for the sin of me and my people.

I hope you are encouraged to stand in the gap as well!

The Invitation

2009-10-09T13:37:00.005-04:00

Although my reading has taken me elsewhere in the Bible, my heart is still stuck back in Isaiah. A new Bible study I've started brought me back to chew on a few verses in Isaiah 55. I couldn't be satisfied with just those few verses and now the chapter has given me much to think about.

I love what I've found here. Isaiah 55:1-3 is the best invitation we could receive. God asks if we're hungry or thirsty. He offers us more than wine or milk or fine food. And he offers it freely. We are to come ready to hear with our ears wide open and he will give us life as we listen. Am I ready to come to him with a listening heart? Do I hunger and thirst for him?

So what will we hear when we come? Vs 3 says we will hear about a never ending covenant. We will hear about unfailing love. We will hear of how he will work in our lives so that He is displayed in power and glory.

Isaiah tells us that God is near and we are to call on him while this offer is good. We are to change our ways. He will forgive us.

So why would God offer this incredible invitation to ones that need to repent, to ones that need to come close to him again? Because Isaiah 55:8-9 reminds that God's ways are not our ways. He doesn't look for the righteous, because there are none! He doesn't look for those that are closest and give them some pointers as to how they can strive better. He offers a way of forgiveness so that He can give what he so greatly desires. So He can give what will bring glory to him.

He reminds us that God's Word is powerful and will accomplish what he desires. (Isaiah 55:10-11) He sends out His Word and it always produces fruit. People will take him up on his offer. People will turn to Him and walk with Him, and they will live in joy and peace.

He reminds us that what was once barren and ruined will be filled with life. What was once sinful and full of death, will by the power of His Word in a heart seeking Him become full of life and fruitful.

That's some invitation! Why would God offer it? Vs 13 gives us a clue to the Invitor's heart. "These events will bring great honor to the Lord's name; they will be an everlasting sign of his power and love." God does this because of who He is. He offers us this because He is powerful and can do it and because He is love. The result is then honor to His name. Have you taken a look at this invitation recently? Draw near to the Invitor and find life in Him.

Fearing God's Name

2009-10-07T13:10:00.007-04:00

The idea of fearing God's name, his character and reputation, has been buzzing around in my head for awhile. When my ladies' Sunday School class was working through the book of Malachi, we were constantly reading how they had contempt for God's name and did not fear His name. I guess the buzzing began there. I want to understand more of what it means to fear His name and live in a way that demonstrate this understanding.

I haven't had much time to study this area, but the phrases keeps jumping out at me in Scripture, so I know I'll learn more.

These passages for example:
Psalm 25:14 (NLT) The Lord is a friend to those who fear him.
He teaches them his covenant.

Proverbs 1:7 (NLT) Fear of the Lord is the foundation of true knowledge,
but fools despise wisdom and discipline.

Isaiah 33:6 (NLT) In that day he will be your sure foundation,providing a rich store of salvation, wisdom, and knowledge.The fear of the Lord will be your treasure.

I do know that to fear His name is not just to respect what I call God, but to revere his character and essence. But the Hebrew and Greek words that are translated fear mean just that....terror and dread of God. So, it's more than just honor and respect. It means to be aware of His awesomeness, His power, His holiness, and to treat him as set apart because of this awareness. It is to not take Him or my relationship with Him lightly. It is also to recognize how much he hates sin and the right he has to be judge.

A believer balances terror and dread of God with God's love which takes away fear. God's love doesn't change that He is still to be feared, but it allows us to approach Him and have confidence in His presence. I've noticed though that most frequently when somoene is in the presence of God, fear is the first response. Over and over again, God has had to say, "Fear not."

But what about the name part of the phrase? A name is what represents someone to the world. It's their history, their personality, their feelings and thoughts represented in a piece of language. I am to fear the totality of God.

So how do I keep a fearful perspective of God? The answer is found in God's Word. Over and over he commands us to fear Him and demonstrates who he is to us. When we meditate on His power, His awesomeness, His beyond us, then we will have fear.

And what does this mean for my day to day life? As I fear God I will obey what he commands. I won't do it because I'm just afraid of being punished, but rather because I recognize His authority, His power, and His rightness.

One more thing, spend some time with Psalm 103. May you be blessed as you fear His name!

Faithful or not?

2009-09-25T06:41:00.008-04:00

Judging from the date on my last post I've not been very faithful to blogging. But don't let that make you think that God hasn't been speaking and things haven't been happening. God is oh so faithful, and I'm praying that one of the reasons I haven't been posting is that I've been being faithful to doing what He wants me to do and being faithful to who He wants me to be.

It's also intimidating to start posting when your heart has been on a long journey. How do you share the great depths? Words can't capture it all.

Let me try to start with two areas. First, God has been working in my heart to change an area I'm ministering in. It's so amazing to see how God plants seeds and nurtures them. In the beginning of the summer I was working with some wonderful teenage girls from our church to help them prepare for their roles in teaching Vacation Bible School. I was blown away by their hearts and filled with a great love for them. This love continued to grow when several of them were with me at Girl's camp later this summer. Part of me was really sad though at each time because I rarely have time to visit with them, let alone have deep meaningful conversations. I can't say that I really prayed much about this, except to praise God for the opportunity and question if there could be more. Well, God does have more.

A year or so back some ladies in our church began searching for a way to have a high school girl's Sunday School class. Since then, nothing really seemed to have been happening. Guess, God had other plans, because suddenly I was asked what I thought about teaching such a class. I was so excited by the possibility and after praying, I said I would but only if my existing ministry, the women's Sunday School class had a leader.

At this point, God was also working and preparing another woman's heart. I think he's actually been working on a few hearts, so there wasn't a shortage of willing leaders. It's been so amazing to witness God's hand at work. And encouraging, because as I beginning to launch this class I am humbled by the responsibility and uplifted that God is keenly aware of what needs to happen.

So, pray with me for my girls and our new adventure. I am VERY excited about the opportunity to disciple and learn from these beautiful daughters of God. Also pray for my ladies. I will miss them. God has been very kind to increase our class lately and saturate it with His presence. May they thrive under new leadership and more ladies also join them so that they too can walk in the ways of God and bring Him glory.

Another thing has also been happening that is related to this first area. Remember the posts on my 40 days of prayer? God is continuing to be my patient teacher. Several events have had me flat on my face before Him and have kept my knees trembling so that I had to be in prayer. I love this reminder of dependency on Him. I love the communion and fellowship I've had with Him. And He's challenging me with a relationship with someone who is also needing to experience their own prayer relationship.

I know this is a long post, but let me leave you with this. My morning reading was Habakkuk. It's been my heart's desire to do a deeper study on this, and I will at some point. But this is what I found for now. Habakkuk knows that God's judgement is coming to Judah in the form of the Babylonians. He questions why God would use even more unrighteous people to judge His people. But then comes to the conclusion that God is mighty and glorious. God will use the Babylonians to bring His people back to Him, but the Babylonians will not escape judgement. It's Habakkuk 3:16-19 that held my treasure today. Habakkuk says he will wait patiently for God's judgement on these people. He knows that hard times will befall Judah. Things will not be easy. The consequences of sin are weighty and hard to deal with. But Habakkuk says he will still rejoice in God. God is the God of his salvation and God will enable him to stand in these precarious times, even as a deer is able to scramble on the mountain heights. Even when we're facing consequences to sin, if we honor God in his place as Lord, he will help us endure the consequences. These were some sweet words for me today as I've been walking with someone through a time of hard consequences.

Praise to our God who is faithful, unchanging, gracious, and merciful. May He enable you to stand firm today!

A good reminder

2009-08-30T06:50:00.002-04:00

God is god. I am not. God deserves our richest praise and our deepest worship. I'm reminded of this as I continue to read through Isaiah. Hear the words of Isaiah 40 and 43.

Is 40:12-31
Who else has held the oceans in his hand? Who has measured off the heavens with his fingers? Who else knows the weight of the earth or has weighed out the mountains and the hills?
Who is able to advise the Spirit of the LORD? Who knows enough to be his teacher or counselor?
Has the LORD ever needed anyone's advice? Does he need instruction about what is good or what is best?
No, for all the nations of the world are nothing in comparison with him. They are but a drop in the bucket, dust on the scales. He picks up the islands as though they had no weight at all.
All Lebanon's forests do not contain sufficient fuel to consume a sacrifice large enough to honor him. All Lebanon's sacrificial animals would not make an offering worthy of our God.
The nations of the world are as nothing to him. In his eyes they are less than nothing ? mere emptiness and froth.
To whom, then, can we compare God? What image might we find to resemble him?
Can he be compared to an idol formed in a mold, overlaid with gold, and decorated with silver chains?
Or is a poor person's wooden idol better? Can God be compared to an idol that must be placed on a stand so it won't fall down?
Have you never heard or understood? Are you deaf to the words of God, the words he gave before the world began? Are you so ignorant?
It is God who sits above the circle of the earth. The people below must seem to him like grasshoppers! He is the one who spreads out the heavens like a curtain and makes his tent from them.
He judges the great people of the world and brings them all to nothing.
They hardly get started, barely taking root, when he blows on them and their work withers. The wind carries them off like straw.
"To whom will you compare me? Who is my equal?" asks the Holy One.
Look up into the heavens. Who created all the stars? He brings them out one after another, calling each by its name. And he counts them to see that none are lost or have strayed away.
O Israel, how can you say the LORD does not see your troubles? How can you say God refuses to hear your case?
Have you never heard or understood? Don't you know that the LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth? He never grows faint or weary. No one can measure the depths of his understanding.
He gives power to those who are tired and worn out; he offers strength to the weak.
Even youths will become exhausted, and young men will give up.
But those who wait on the LORD will find new strength. They will fly high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.

43 Vs. 10 "But you are my witnesses, O Israel!" says the Lord. "You are my servant. You have been chosen to know me, beliee in me and understand that I alone am God. There is not other God- there never has been, and there never will be."
Vs.11 "I, yes I , amd the Lord and there is no other Savior."

43 Vs 13. "From eternity to eternity I am God. No one can snactch anyone out of my hand. No one can undo what I have done."

May your hearts overflow with love, wonder, and awe at our God.

What highway are you on?

2009-08-24T20:56:00.007-04:00

I love the book of Isaiah. Those of you who know me are smiling right now. Yes, she does!

Isaiah 35:8-10 reads,
"And a great road will go through that once deserted land.
It will be named the Highway of Holiness.
Evil-minded people will never travel on it.
It will be only for those who walk in God’s ways;
fools will never walk there.
Lions will not lurk along its course,
nor any other ferocious beasts.
There will be no other dangers.
Only the redeemed will walk on it.
Those who have been ransomed by the Lord will return.
They will enter Jerusalem singing,
crowned with everlasting joy.
Sorrow and mourning will disappear,
and they will be filled with joy and gladness."

At first when I read verses 8-10 I thought, "I sure like that Highway to Holiness. Where's the nearest on ramp? It sounds like an expressway without any chance of going the wrong way. Sure sounds better than the winding country back roads I sometimes find myself on as I try to make the right decisions and do the right thing. In fact, it sounds like a super easy way to travel."

But then I did some rereading and thinking. I know this road already. The road he's talking about is Christ! Jesus said, "I am the way, the truth, and the life." AND this is what He was talking about. He is our way to holiness. I know that in ancient times a highway was a wonderful thing. It lifted a traveler out of the rough terrain and gave him a smooth path. Jesus does the same for me. He lifts me up and sets my feet on a smooth place. It's a path only for those that are pure in heart. Those that have decided to pursue righteousness. It's only for those that have been redeemed by the blood of Christ. And those traveling this highway do not have to worry about dangers. I have The Way. I don't need an easier way. What blessing! What joy!

Did you see where this road takes us? It's a celebration like no other! A worship celebration I believe. Those who travel this road will come to worship the One who redeemed them. These verses are prefaced with a chapter in which Isaiah shares how God will pour his wrath out on the nations. But the chapter that these verses are found in speaks of hope for the nation of Israel. God will provide deliverance! Those that are weak will be made strong. Those that are blind will see. Those that are deaf will hear. Those that are lame will walk. He will restore. And don't you just smile as you see that Jesus is the ultimate reality of this restoration! We'll be worshipping Christ, who is the Way, the Truth and the Life! All that was before, will be replaced with joy and gladness.

So, what about you. What highway are you on? Are your pursuing holiness? Are you walking with the Holy one? Praise the One who leads us to holiness and may we proclaim Him afresh in the lives of those we pass on our earthly byways and highways.

The journey, the silence, and the return

2009-08-18T21:38:00.006-04:00

It sure is hard to restart the blog when one has been gone for so long. I even find myself thinking, "Why should I start writing again? Does what I have to say matter to anyone?" I'm not sure about the answer to that question, but I do know that God challenges me through the writing of this blog, so I'm sitting down and starting to type. I hope you're glad to sit with me.

A month has passed since my last post. Two and a half months or so ago I began a journey to pray and to learn more about prayer. The journey was filled with "interruptions", and I felt much more like a wandering Israelite than a woman with a purpose. Then came more interruptions as God took me to girl's camp and then to time with family. Those times were filled with stumbling, with learning, and growth.

For one, I learned that I'm not the answer to every problem. Imagine that! I began to see that lesson in an experience with a tent on the first day of precamp. A group of people that I'd never worked with before and who I thought seemed to have clicked in some way I'd missed and I were to put up screen tents. The challenge...no instructions and not sure if we have all the parts. I wanted to get in an act, but I quickly discovered I didn't know what to do. Finally someone took charge. I wonder why it was finally....was I the stumbling block? By the time the tent was up I was aware that I was going to be learning some big lessons at camp this year. There's a reason we're part of a body. And over the rest of camp I was aware of that more and more! Aren't you glad you're part of a body of believers, each with the talents and gifts that we need to support each other?

Secondly, I've learned (been reminded) that I have a wonderful family. I love my husband and look forward to time with him. With all the busyness we've had good times and not so good. But I love him and seek God to continue to mold me to be the wife he needs me to be. I also have been reminded that I have a great mother-in-law. Mom came and watched Ethan during the week of camp. And then we spent another week or so with Mom and Dad at their home. All that time to visit was a treat. I love seeing her with Little Man. And it filled a longing I have to chat with a mom over coffee on the front porch. I am blessed. May you also be reminded that those we so easily take for granted are dear treasures.

Third, I was made aware how easily I can fall away and mess things up. I learned the truth of Psalm 14:2-3, hence why I'm now memorizing it. "The Lord looks down from heaven on the entire human race; he looks to see if anyone is truly wise, if anyone seeks God. But no, all have turned away; all have become corrupt. No one does good, not a single one." I was really hit by the part that says..."No one seeks God". Without my built in safe guards and habits, I really struggled to have quality time with God and to live in Him. I don't like who I am without God having control. AND I pondered what I'd be like if I didn't know Him at all. Thank you for your amazing grace, Lord. I am so unworthy!

So, now I'm back. I still may find blogging a challenge for this season, but I'm looking forward to seeing where God takes us.

Oh, and while away, I stumbled on a blog that I've really enjoyed visiting. I've still been learning about prayer, this post in particular spoke to me. May we all take time to tear down the idols in our lives and worship our God.

Day 42....

2009-07-12T22:28:00.004-04:00

I know I thought this was a 40 day journey. Seems like I have much more to learn about prayer. The purpose of this block of time was to focus in prayer and study Scripture to learn more about prayer. I must confess life has been happening all around me and interupting the process quite a bit. It's not bad stuff. In fact much of it is ministry in one shape or another, but still, it's been hard to go deeper in this area. So, I'm going to continue on. There's more I want to learn.

But these are some of the highlights, so far:

I've captured some wonderful Scripture in my heart. I love Psalm 27:8, "My heart has heard you say, “Come and talk with me.” And my heart responds, “Lord, I am coming.” What a wonderful sweet invitation God gives us!

Prayer occurs in so many ways and on so many levels. I do pray! I may not sit alone for hours or have a perfect process, but that's okay. I'm learning. I'm growing. Prayer is about me and God dealing with Him, my life, those I know, and those I don't know. It's about worship, adoration, communication, trust, supplication, and intercession.

Prayer is a mystery. Somehow my talking with God matters! It makes a difference. God's ways are perfect and holy, but somehow he leaves space for me to join Him in things as I pray.

So, I will stop counting down the days, but I will continue to be praying. The next month will continue to be a "little" busy. I'm currently preparing to help with a week long girls camp. Then there's the actual week of camp, followed by a visit with family. I'm looking forward to some regular posts and sharing more deeply from the my heart. But until then....I'll be praying.

Day 32-Wandering

2009-06-29T15:50:00.004-04:00

I've ended up wandering in the wilderness. I came here to pray, but somehow I've been wandering. I came here with a destination in mind, but that's not where I seem to be heading. But that doesn't meant this wandering doesn't have purpose. I just want God to work out His perfect purpose in me.

These days are busy. It's hard to find time to quiet myself. This week is our church's VBS program. Not having the morning really eats into my day. I also seem to have the "I can't say No" disease. So, I end up doing more.

These days are rainy. I know much of the country has had severe heat, but in these parts we're living in a cloudy, gray soup. The "solar powered" me is really struggling. It affects my attitude, my motivation, my perceptions. Every day I wake up and feel the humidity and see the gray. I know we are to give thanks in all things, but this is hard. It's hard, because I really prayed in faith that we would have nice weather this week. God seems quiet on the issue. I keep looking for the why behind the rain and clouds, but I don't see it. Guess that's were faith continues to kick in and I trust the Sovereign hand of my God.

So, all that to say, that I haven't been taking as much time to study about prayer in His Word. I have some thoughts and some things I want to mull on, but I need more quiet time and less of a mushy brain. (You know it's bad when you ask your husband how someone was using a lap top outside at VBS, because there wasn't any electricity. Duh.....battery???)

I have been doing some reading, though from other books. Some challenging reading at times. I want to process more of this.

I have been praying some. Prayers for the weather. Prayers for the kids at VBS. Prayers for the team at VBS. Prayers for the great group of girls I'm working with. Prayers for me to respond well to things at home. Prayers to love my husband more and show it more. Prayers to lead Ethan. Prayers that God would speak to me and encourage me. Prayers for guidance and wisdom. But all these prayers seem more like noise and static.

I know God is working. I know His work is good. So, I claim the words of Jeremiah 29:12-14. "In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. I will be found by you," says the Lord." I'm looking for you, God. Please show yourself to me.

How are you seeing God at work? I want to hear how God is working in your life. It would do my heart good to have somethings to rejoice over!

Words I can identify with....

2009-06-23T14:49:00.004-04:00

From Prayer:Finding the Heart's True Home by Richard Foster.

My Lord and my God, listning is hard for me. I do not exactly mean hard, for I understand that this is a matter of receiving rather than trying. What I mean is that I am so action orientied, so product driven, that doing is easier for me than being. I need your help if I am to be still and listen. I would like to try. I would like to learn how to sink down into the light of your presence until I can become comfortable in that posture. Help me to try now. Thank you. Amen.

Day 23-Discipline and Stumblings

2009-06-23T14:11:00.006-04:00

It's day 23 of my 40 Days of Prayer Journey, which is designed to be a time to pray and learn more about prayer. This journey hasn't been easy, but that doesn't mean I'm not learning. I understand even more why they call prayer a discipline. It doesn't just happen. It takes discipline, which is an interesting tension. It takes discipline to sit down and stop rushing. It takes discipline to put aside the to do list and the facade. It takes discipline to stop yapping and listen to God. BUT the actual communion of prayer is not something I can control nor create. I must prepare myself, but only God can really open the door and let me into His fellowship. I can seek, but only He can reveal.

The journey isn't going as I expected it would. I thought I'd be getting better at praying. I thought I'd be able to set myself apart from distractions, be all excited about meeting with God, and hear His voice in new and fresh ways. That isn't happening. I'm stumbling. I'm seeing more and more of my shortcomings. The to do list keeps calling me. I keep turning away from quiet time to almost anything else. I mumble my requests to God, but don't pursue Him with them like I know I can. I hurry through the motions. I easily turn from praying to read about praying. I'm not participating like I thought I would want to. Why is that?

I feel like I'm knocking at the door, but I don't really have any clue what I'm asking. Like the disciples who wanted to sit at Jesus' right hand, I want to "commune and fellowship" with God because well, it sounds exactly like something I should be doing, but do I really know what that's about? I come to Him so casually, and I can because He has welcomed me through His Son's sacrifice, but do I realize who He really is? And if I did, would I be doing this all differently?

Instead of having questions answered and being closer to God, I feel like I'm finding more questions and stumbling in my approach to Him. What can you share with me about prayer? How do you set aside distractions or use them to help you? How do you get real with God? How do you discipline yourself to pray?

Lord, I want to fellowship with you. Really, I do. Forgive me for not giving this my all, like I know I should do. Forgive me for filling my time with you with doing things for you. Change my heart. Help me to put aside these things for the treasure of finding you. You are God. You decide what to share with me and what to keep secret. Show me how to pray. Show me how to live. Thank you for putting a desire in my heart to know you and to pray, because I know that desire is of you. Let it grow and become stronger. Help me to overcome the distractions or to pass through them to find you in them. Show me the way. Thank you for hearing me, for loving me, for inviting me to you. I am unworthy, but oh so grateful. I love you, God.

My Dad

2009-06-21T21:36:00.003-04:00

I love my Dad.

Do you ever struggle though to really communicate what you feel to those you love most? I do. I tell my Dad I love him, but that doesn't seem to really communicate the scope of what that means.

I love him. I respect him. I think he's the greatest. I'm so glad God gave him to ME. I cherish him, and probably more so because of not having Mom here anymore. I'm proud to be his daughter. I appreciate the memories he gave me, the values he taught me, and the model he is for me.

No gift I can purchase seems to say all that. So, in a small way, I write this for you, Dad. May you truly see my heart and know what I mean when I say I love you.

Day 18- The need for solitude

2009-06-18T06:53:00.006-04:00

It's day 18 of my 40 Days. The goal of these 40 days is for me pray and learn more about prayer. I so desire this to be a time of growth and change! Old habits though are hard to change and good things have been happening around here. Birthday celebrations and time with my husband have been wonderful, but I haven't been focusing as I'd like to.

I knew when I began this that I wasn't going to withdraw into the "wilderness" for these 40 days, but I have a good idea why Jesus did. I'm reminded by this as I look at the Gospels and see Jesus often withdrawing to pray. I see him getting up very early. I never see Him hurrying so that He has time to pray. I never see Him trying to wash his clothes and pray. I never see Him chasing someone away so that He can pray. He just makes it happen. And I'm thinking it's because of that prayer time that other things fall into place.

I'm pondering what I need to do to find that same solitude. Do I need to get up earlier? Do I need to just stick to priorities and say no. I'm reminded by Richard J. Foster that prayer is all about relationship. It's not the fruit of my efforts. That won't be very lasting or good. I want God to look in my heart and show me what to do. I know I have committed to things and seem to take on more committments so easily. These things are good, but they take up time. And they draw me away from the solitude I also need to try to find.

I feel a lot like I'm trying to meet with God, but I've brought along the Verizon network as seen in TV commercials. It's hard to have intimate time with God with so many lurking around!

SO, Lord, show me toay what I need to change. Help me. I can't do this in my own strength. Reach down and declutter my heart. Quiet me. Show me how to draw away and meet with you. It truly is the desire of my heart.

What about you? Are you being still? Are you finding the quiet places to meet with Him? I pray you are. And if you have some suggestions for making solitude in a busy world, please share!

Day 12- Psalm 27

2009-06-12T20:08:00.003-04:00

I'm learning things on this 40 day journey.

I'm realizing again and again how difficult it is for me to be still. I'd so much rather being doing. Which also reflects my attitude toward God...It's easier to "do things" than to be in relationship with Him. ARGH!

This is probably why Psalm 27 spoke loud and clear to me when I came across it. David's Psalm has a familiar beginning, "The Lord is my light and my salvation- so why should I be afraid. The Lord is my fortress, protecting me from danger, so why should I tremble?" David makes a request a few verses later that I find my heart also wanting to make. "The one thing I ask of the Lord- the think I seek most- is to live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, delighting in the Lord's perfection and meditating in his Temple." Now we know from what David has written in the surrounding verses that he's not exactly in a peaceful place in life. People are attacking him. He's facing trouble. He desires to be very close to God, but probably circumstances are making it difficult. He would love to have endless time to focus on God and know Him. It's that feeling that I can identify with. Instead of the endless interruptions or demands on time, I long to be in a place of solitude, God's home, where it can just be the two of us.

I think it may be the very think God's inviting us to in verse 8. "My heart has heard you say, "Come and talk with me." And my heart responds, "Lord, I am coming." That's a great picture of prayer. God wants us to come and talk with Him. To BE with Him. To share our hearts with Him.

How often though I find that I'm the one that lets that time be interrupted. I'm the one that is my own worst enemy. My prayer today is found in part of verse 11. "Teach me how to live, O Lord. Lead me along the right path..."

May He be leading you also!

Day 9- Solomon's Prayer

2009-06-09T06:58:00.004-04:00

Even though I wasn't totally focused on prayer while we were away, I did sneak in a little study time and found a few nuggets in Solomon's prayer at the dedication of the temple. It's found in 1 Kings 8:22-53 and 2 Chronicles 6:12-42.

There are two things that stuck out in my mind in this prayer. One is that Solomon was very concerned about God hearing the people. He seemed to take it for granted that God's people would mess up. He wanted to be sure that IF the people turned their hearts to God, God would listen to them. I love his words in 1 Kings 8:30, "May you hear the humble and earnest requests from me and your people Israel when we pray toward this place. Yes, hear us from heaven where you live, and when you hear, forgive." Sometimes prayer is all about our hearts returning to God. Sin gets in the way and keeps us from knowing God. Sin breaks fellowship. Prayer reconnects us. But it's not just the words we say, it's our attitude. Our humbleness and our earnestness are important. When I come to God, how do I come? Do I seek forgiveness and restore the connection with Him? Do I come humbly and earnestly? Do I take into account the majesty of God- His holiness, His grandeur?

The second thing that struck me is connected to that last question. The prayers of the people are directed to the temple. Why is that? Surely the temple was a visual reminder to the people of God's holiness and awesomeness. Praying toward the temple was a reminder of the wonder of a God who would stoop down to a spot on earth and listen to His people. And that very same God is the One who bends down to hear me when I pray. God is truly amazing! May He find my heart humble, earnest, and reverent as I seek Him in prayer.

Hills and Valleys

2009-06-09T06:49:00.002-04:00

The wilderness isn't flat is it?

I knew when I began this 40 day journey that it would have challenges, especiallly since our family would be taking a trip to visit other family. It's hard to take time away when you're trying to catch up with everyone in a limited amount of time. We had a wonderful visit and were greatly blessed, but as for time to really focus on prayer, well, let's just say, I'm really thankful for the solitude today as I begin this day back home.

But there was a hill in my time away. Normally I really stress out about traveling. I want to leave early and arrive early. It used to be an 8 hour trip before Little Man arrived, and now it's more like 9 or 10 hours. I am impatient and not so nice as I try to get everything done so we can leave early. I knew Dear Husband was working hard and would probably have work to complete before we could leave on Thursday. Sure, enough that happened. We didn't get away until almost lunch time. Normally that would have been a huge curve ball for me to take. But God was so gracious and adjusted my heart and mind so that it really wasn't an issue. I am grateful for His power which allows me to do things that aren't typical of my nature. Don't get me wrong, I'm not perfect, I blew it in the patience area at another time, but for one instance, I saw His work on my heart and was happy about the progress! Prayer changes us. I want to be changed even more!

Day 3- Hannah's Prayer

2009-06-03T15:22:00.005-04:00

If you are stopping by for the first time, let me welcome you on my adventure with God and 40 Days of Prayer. I've dedicated this time to pray (asking God to help me understand more about prayer and to lift up my local church body) and to study prayer in His Word.

It has been good to focus these past 3 days. I rejoice in the time. And there has been plenty to talk to God about and listen for! I am grateful for this season of prayer as well as the budding summer season outdoors. I've learned that it's much easier for me to still myself when I'm feeling the breeze and watching the trees dance. Why is it so much easier for me to talk to God when I'm outside and looking at this creation? Do you find there's a "prayer" place that works best for you?

Besides learning about things that help me to focus, I'm starting to explore God's Word for what He says on the matter. Of course, a study on prayer has to include looking at Hannah and her prayer found in 1 Samuel 1.

Nuggets:

Prayer can be emotional. Hannah was pouring her heart out to God. I love that description. In this case the pouring out wasn't a dribble and drop, it was a flood. God can handle my emotions. Prayer won't always be emotional, but when it is, I don't have to be afraid or ashamed.

Prayer and faith go hand in hand. Eli told Hannah to go in peace and gave her the blessing of "May the GOd of Israel grant you the request you have asked of him." It wasn't exactly a promise, but Hannah reached out in faith and walked in a changed way. After thanking Eli, she returned to her husband, ate, and was no longer sad. When I pray, do I leave it with God and walk in faith...not by my feelings or by the rules of the situations, but do I go with confidence that God hears my prayer and is sustaining me?

God bless you on your journey.

Day One

2009-06-01T13:17:00.004-04:00

There's a sense of adventure in the air and a renewed enthusiasm in my soul. What will the next 40 days bring? I hope I am different from who I am today and more like Jesus when I look back to this day 40 days from now.

This afternoon I put Little Man down for his nap and then went out to the deck for some time to pray. After days of not really seeing the sun, it was nice to sit there and bask in it, just as I'm seeking to bask in His presence. It was a good time. A focused time. Of course, the "to do" list wasn't far from my brain, but at least I remembered a key thing. For these 40 days I must be intentional about putting Little Man down for a nap and not rushing in on the "to do" list. Yes, there is plenty to do, but I need to have some time to be still, to listen, to share with God first. I certainly feel my "to do" list is more ordered having had that time today.

I also began setting up things to explore prayer in the Scripture. The organizer in me needs to get a graphic organizer set up to record what I find. I'll hopefully share some nuggets with you in the days ahead.

I do have one quote for you to welcome you on your journey:

"Prayer catapults us onto the frontier of the spiritual life. It is orginial reserach in an unexplored territory." Richard Foster

And one more thought:

God bless!

Getting Serious and Getting On My Knees

2009-05-31T15:31:00.007-04:00

I don't want this to be a post based on emotions. I don't want to respond to a whim and do something just for the sake of doing it. I cringe at this. I'm wrestling even with sharing the ideas in this post, because I'm not sure what will happen in the days ahead.

But I do want to obey and I do want to be closer to my God. And so I think it's time to get serious. For a long time I've known that prayer is a weakness in me. It's something I don't really understand. It's a part of my relationship with God that I do, but not as I think it's meant to be done. I think I'm missing the depth and richness that should be there and settling for something less. I don't want that. In John Tadlock's book, When It's Rush Hour All Day Long, he relates a story about a boy who goes to see a circus. He's never seen one before, and is very excited by the parade of animals and clowns. In fact, he's elated and estatic. After the traditional circus parade, he hands the last clown the money his father gave him for the circus and leaves. He went home thinking he'd seen the circus when he'd only seen the parade. Hmmm...how often do I leave God's presence thinking I've prayed, when I've only had a taste of what he means for me to experience?

So, what will I do? I don't want to start a program or walk through a bunch of legalistic steps without meaning. I don't want to add more to my plate or make an artificial schedule. But I do want prayer to be a focus in my life. I want to pursue God in this area and ask Him to relentlessly pursue me. (Even if that really scares me!) I know it's all got to be about relationship.

This morning during church something struck me on this topic. Our pastor preached a great sermon based on Mark 4:35-41. And God was speaking to me about the points Pastor was making, but you know how it is. Your mind drifts a bit to other things and somehow God might also speak to you about those things. Sure enough, in the midst of thinking about storms, the people who make up our church, and prayer, God seemed to suggest that I get serious about prayer by taking some time away. Suddenly out of nowhere, the idea came that I should focus on prayer for the next 40 days. Just as Jesus withdrew to the wilderness for 40 days, just as God sustained Elijah for 40 days, just as Noah was in the ark 40 days, He seemed to invite me to spend 40 days with Him and prayer. I get the sense that I'm to study about prayer and also pray during this time.

Now I'm not going off to the wilderness, and life with Little Man and Dear Husband isn't going to change and allow me to have HOURS of quiet time. So, I'm not sure how things will change. BUT I do know that I am going to be investigating prayer. I'm going to search Scripture and seek to hear what God has to say to me about prayer. I'm going to pray for two things during this time. One, I'm going to pray that God would change my relationship with Him and teach me about relating to Him by being and not by doing. Second, I'm going to be praying for my church family.

I didn't get the sense though that I was to be totally alone in this venture. So, I invite you to also begin a 40 day journey with God. Is there something you need to focus on in prayer for a season? Do you also struggle with prayer and want to learn more? I hope sharing about our 40 days will be a source of accountability and encouragement.

Well, I better start packing for the next 40 days. Do you think I should bring along some knee-pads?

Where did she go?

2009-05-27T20:59:00.006-04:00

I'm still here. I'm still pondering. I'm still following. Just been a bit too busy to sit and blog. I've missed the processing that happens when I sit down and write. Some rainy days and moving blogging up to a higher priority on the "to do" list has brought me here this afternoon.

So what's all the "busy"ness been about? Mostly good things. Working on things for Vacation Bible School,
getting ready for a visit from family,
and putting together a new garden area.
Plus, making time for relationships, being wtih Dear Husband, caring for Little Man, and keeping our home in order. Needless to say I think I'll be tackling spring cleaning clear up to winter, but that's okay. I've enjoyed having things to do, especially the physical work of breaking sod and hauling dirt. (Yeah, I've got my farmer's daughter muscles again!)

During this stretch of "busy"ness though, I have had some things gnawing at me. First of all, I've found it harder to sit with God when quiet time seems to be needed to fill by many demands. I've not looked forward to meeting with Him the same way, and I want to rekindle that feeling. I've not taken as much time to listen, and wonder what joys I've missed. I've not savored His Word and counted all the richness that is there. I still wrestle greatly with taking time to focus in prayer. And so I know I need to make some adjustments before my whole world is out of alignment.

Second, God's been trying to speak to me about something. Our Women's Ministry group gave all the moms at church a book called "When It's Rush Hour All Day Long" for Mother's Day. The book ended up falling out of my bag and hiding in a door pocket in our car. It wasn't until a friend of Little Man's found it one day that I realized what had happened. I carried it into the house and opened it up one night after a busy day. I was struck by the topic of hurry-sickness that is addressed by this book and am working my way through it's pages with that peculiar feeling that someone is writing about someone I know very well.

The book, along with Psalm 39:6, a verse I encountered this morning, has made me pause a bit to ask some questions. "We are merely moving shadows, and all our busy rushing ends in nothing." So, what am I so busy doing? AND more importantly why am I doing it? I'm not sure I like the answers. I'm busy often doing things that seem to be fine. Taking care of my family. Helping others in my church. But the why that I'm doing some of it doesn't make those things look as good. I'm often busy doing because I want approval. My dad's recent visit was an eye-opener in this area. My dad is a wonderful dad. (I'm sure you'll read more about him come Father's Day.) I've always had his approval. But I've also always wanted it and worked to get it. This past year my husband and I moved and this was the first time my Dad would be coming to see our new home. I was busy doing for days, trying to get things extra special. Why did I push myself so hard? Why did I sacrifice time with important things for this? I wanted approval. And I see that in a lot of things recently.

The thing that gets me, is that I know what I need most is God's approval. AND I know I have that. I know it in my head. I know that I'm loved. I know that I'm loved not for what I do, or how I act, or anything else. I'm loved because that's God's nature. I'm loved because He is love. But I'm struggling to really understand that somewhere in my heart and then to live from that. Maybe that's why I've been also struggling to memorize Ephesians 3:18-19, my memory verse challenge verses for this half of the month. "And may you have the power to understand as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is to great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God." And after writing that down for you all, I guess I'm seeing that what I'm seeking to understand really isn't that easy to understand, at least not without God's power.

So now that you've caugt up on things with me, how are you? What have you been busy doing? Is busyness a battle in your life? And do you REALLY understand how much you are loved? Keep pressing on!

She Taught Me That

2009-05-08T21:14:00.007-04:00

As I've walked another year down the path of motherhood, I 've realized so much more the valuable lessons that my Mom modeled for me.

I get up before Little Man and begin to order the day. She taught me that.

I make time to read God's Word and talk to my Father before much else happens in the day. She taught me that.

I make breakfast for Dear Husband and Little Man and serve them with a heart of love. She taught me that.

If Dear Husband is going to work in the morning, Little Man and I send him off with hugs and kisses and go to the window to wave him a sendoff. I whisper a prayer for his day. She taught me that.

I work on a daily task to manage the home, whether it be doing a load of wash on a certain day of the week, dusting on Wednesdays, or quickly mopping the floor during a seemingly "free" moment. She taught me that.

I take time to talk and play with Little Man and value the time we have together, because we're not always sure what tomorrow may hold. She taught me that.

I make lunch and serve it and try my best to keep what we eat interesting and use our money in a responsible way. She taught me that.

I take a break in the afternoon (on most days) while Little Man is sleeping, because although my job is to serve my family, I won't be very good at it over a long time if I don't take time to renew myself. She taught me that.

I putter around at tasks like gardening and working in flower beds, or doing other projects during the winter months when I can't be outside, because these things can be a blessing in many ways. It may produce food for the table, an atmosphere of well-being, or a gift that encourages and shares love. She taught me that.

I bake special things for family, friends, and needs because there's nothing like home-cooked food. She taught me that.

I serve my church family in ways that I sense God is leading. Whether it be cleaning the church, teaching children, or walking alongside other women in the church, I try to be faithful. She taught me that.

I wrap up a day with bath time, snack time, and bed time books, songs, and prayers. I put my Little Man to bed with love and prayer. She taught me that.

I clean up the house before going to bed. I do what I may not want to most do, but should do. She taught me that.

My Mom taught me this and much more. She taught by example. There are things in her example that I am not good at yet and want to learn. I want to learn more how to respect and support Dear Husband and the challenges he faces and dreams he has. I want to have more of an attitude of gentleness and quietness and contentment. I want to give with a selfless love. I want to control my emotions. I want to pray faithfully. I want to see what I have as it truly is, God's, and give liberally. I want to mother my children so that they can stand firm in the Lord. I want to walk in obedience and trust that God will use me if I'm following Him.

How thankful I am for my Mom and how much I miss her. My mom passed away almost 5 years ago. For some reason this Mother's Day the loss seems fresher and the sorrow stronger. I know very well that she is in glory, but that doesn't stop wanting to have her share in my experiences here. I'm grateful for all that God gave us while we were together. It's just that I want more.

So, hug your Mom today. Tell her now how much she means to you. And if you are a Mom keep striving to be a woman after God's own heart. (Remember there are many who have never experienced physical labor and yet are working on true labors of love in their spiritual daughters!) I know that I'm counting on God to make me the Mom my Little Man needs.

National Day of Prayer

2009-05-07T07:00:00.001-04:00

My heart strings have been tug a lot recently, even though I've not been posting anything. Maybe it's because I'm now a Mom with a little one that will be making his way through this world, or maybe I'm just at a different place in my walk with the Lord, but today National Day of Prayer is tugging at my heart. I'd like to share a clip that I found over at Your Word Is Life, a thoughtful blog that I keep an eye turned to often.

May we all find time today, privately and coorporately, to lift our hearts and our nation in prayer before our great, awesome, gracious, and merciful King.

To everything there is a season...

2009-05-01T20:56:00.007-04:00

A time to blog and a time not to blog.

I guess that's not really how Scripture reads, but it's still in the spirit of truth. Seasons have definitely changed in our household this week, hence the lack of time on the computer. There are so many wonderful things to do in a world that is waking up to spring!

Actually, I'm feeling a big stretch in my life. I'm trying to get the "normal" household things done, plus add in some spring cleaning. (Just what I love to do in my spare time!) Of course all of that is punctuated with interruptions from Little Man who thinks he can be my best helper or wants me to play outside with him. Then there's the book things, like trying to keep up with Bible Study, prepare for Wednesday night activities with the kids, and prepare for Sunday School. It's all good and exciting, but most of it requires time when Little Man isn't around, so that's saved for precious nap/sleep moments. Then there's planning for VBS decorations which had to hit a priority this week since we're having a work session on Sunday. AND like I alluded to in the opening of this post, there's also the wonderful thoughts of what to do in the flowerbeds and garden and the casting glances at the quickly growing lawn and wondering when I need to start mowing. Oh...and did I mention spending any time with Dear Husband? Yes, that's the problem, too. It always seems to go to the bottom of the list, which isn't where it should be at all!

So, after praying and pondering, I know that things need to fall into place and have to give. That means that although I'd love to grow this blog and develop it more, that's not what will happen at this season. That's okay. The purpose of the blog is for God to use it, but the temptation of the blog is to make it all about me and to satisfy my desire for attention. Maybe this "busy"ness is divine intervention---a way to keep me from getting priorities out of whack and raising up idols that have no business to be.

I share all this to simply say that my posting may not increase in amount or quality, but that I'll still be seeking to follow after Him and will be sharing as I can along the way. I pray that you will be doing the same!

When it's all been said and done

2009-04-22T14:03:00.004-04:00

Lord, you have so richly blessed me. My cup is overflowing. I am so unworthy. From the magnitude of what you've done to me, to the daily provisions and care for my needs, it overwhelms me. Thank you especially for the sweetness of loved ones in my life. Thank you for my dear husband, who 9 years ago today took a risk and asked me to be his wife. Thank you for his patience, for his love, for his commitment.

Thank you for Little Man, who daily brings joy and new lessons. How wonderful to have special Happy Birthday kisses today and feel his little arms wrapped around my neck. What a joy to see him smile and thrive under the loving attention of so many dear ones in our life!

Thank you for family, for those that are miles away, but close in heart. Thank you for their words and for the times that we have to savor our company with each other. Thank you for the example they give of lives well lived.

Thank you for friends who are family living here with us. Thank you for their open hearts and acceptance. Thank you for the layers of our friendship, for work, for study, and for play, which all seem to keep us bound close together.

Thank you for a church body to worship with and serve with. Thank you for them being real and letting me be real, too.

Thank you for a day filled with simple things...good things. Thank you, dearest Lord for the contentment of this season. And may my heart sing your praises when I'm feeling sunshine like today or when I'm feeling the biting rain of a storm tomorrow. May my life testify to your goodness!

Heard this song today and thought it expressed my birthday wish perfectly!

What's it all about?

2009-04-21T14:55:00.001-04:00

Sometimes I think life is all about me. I mean God redeemed me. God saved me. God loves me. You have similar thoughts don't you? Like any good parent, God is focused on his children, right?

God has been revealing a bit more to me of what it's all about. Recently I'd been working on memorizing Ephesians 2:6-7. (Been slow going since life seems to be full of LIFE and not a lot of down time!) In the NLT it reads, "For he raised us from the dead along with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ Jesus. So God can point to us in all future ages as examples of the incredible wealth of his grace and kindness toward us, as shown in all he has done for us who are united with Christ Jesus." Isn't that a cool picture? God wants to point to us and say, "You want to know about me. Well, here, take a look at them. Just look at how rich I am in grace and kindness. Look at what I've done for them. This is who I AM.

I am reminded me of another passage that I love. Isaiah 61:3 tells us that "In their rightousness, they will be like great oaks that the Lord has planted for his own glory." I actually like the wording in the NIV best, "They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.."

Doesn't that make you stand up straighter and dust the dirt off your pants (or straigthen your skirt)? I am a display of God's grace, kindness, and splendor. That doesn't mean I'm wonderful and worthy of it, but it means instead that because of it I am wonderful and found worthy!

As God points to you, what are you revealing about Him? Is His work evident in you? Are you living daily knowing that you are a display of who He is to those around you? God wants to point to you and say, "Yep. This is an example of the kind of work I do. If I do say so myself, it's the best there is around." (And God really can boast that, can't He?)

Be sure to check out other posts or join the reading at DeeDee's I Have No Greater Joy. .

Sweet Moments

2009-04-17T13:43:00.004-04:00

After writing the previous post, I've been doing a lot of thinking about Little Man and raising him to be a man after God's own heart. Even though he's young, two months shy of two years old, I know there are things we can do to help soften his heart and prepare it to receive God's work in his life. For several months he has joined us in praying at meal time by holding our hands. I've noticed recently that he often bows his head. May our time to thank God for what He has given us and remind ourselves that ALL we have is His already mold his heart!

Then, I began to think about my quiet time and how possibly Ethan could have a time of study as well. We've had three quiet times this week, and oh how sweet they have been to this mother's soul. There are tears in my eyes as I write this. I LOVE teaching, and I LOVE my son, but the two together well...it's pretty close to heaven as I can imgaine on this side of things!

So, what does quiet time with an almost two year old look like for us? Ethan and I go to the window seat where I actually have my own quiet time. When we bought our house last August, I knew right away that this was going to be a special place for me! Ethan loves sitting up on the seat on a pillow. We've put his baby Bible and a small index card box in a basket nearby.

Today we started with a prayer that God would help us hear what He wants to say to us. Then we read from about Daniel in his Bible and talked about the story. Little Man liked roaring like the lion! I have chosen Daniel 6:26 as memory verse that we'll probably use for a month, and I read it to him and we talked about God being a living God. Then we thanked God for being a live and strong God. We closed our time by singing "What a Mighty God We Serve". Little Man is a good clapper! These moments truly were sweet moments!

Twice a week I would like for us to pray for people in Little Man's life. I've collected pictures and yesterday we went through the pictures and I said a sentence prayer for each picture. Eventually I want him to make up the sentences.

I'm so excited about this special time we've had. My prayer is that this time lays a foundation for what Little Man can later do independently and that God will also use this to prepare his little heart.

Thanks to those of you who shared what you do to train up your own children. May you be encouraged as you keep on this path!

The next generation

2009-04-14T06:43:00.009-04:00

I've just begun reading the book of Judges. As I began today, there was something waiting for me to think on.

In chapter 2 we read again of the death of Joshua, which is also recorded at the end of the book of Joshua. The land has been divided, but not all of it is conquered fully. There's still work to be done! And in chapter 1 we read that the Israelites are settling down. Some of the tribes are choosing to make the inhabitants slaves, but others are settling down with the people they should be driving out. in.

Judges 2:10-23 is what really caught my eye. Verse 10 says, "After that generation died, another generation grew up who did not acknowledge the Lord or remember the mighty things he had done for Israel." Now my thinking mind wants to spend some time digging. A generation? What does that mean? You mean to say that in ONE generation, they forgot? They didn't feel the impact of what God had done to deliver them and give them victory at such places as Jericho and Ai? (I'll be digging and let you know what I find.) But then I thought more. Hmmmm...think about the lessons my grandparents learned during the experiences of the Great Depression and World War II? They were life changing. But, did my parents, the next generation, have the same mindset? No. They were affected by what the previous generation experienced, but it didn't burn deep in their hearts the same way. So, it is possible to have the distance of one generation already cool the flames of devotion.

It's verses 11-12 that make me sad though. "The Israelites did evil in the Lord's sight and served the images of Baal. They abandoned the Lord, the God of their ancestors, who had brought them out of Egypt. They went after other gods, worshipping the gods of the people around them. And they angered the Lord." Already, they turned away. They worshipped others.

I thought for a bit about why they worshipped other gods. The answer is found in the passage. They worshipped the gods of the people around them. Because one generation hadn't fully obeyed God, the next generation found a stumbling block. God had told the first generation to completely wipe out the inhabitants. He didn't let Joshua, his faithful servant, do all the work, but rather gave the people the choice to follow on their own. In vs 22 it says that God did this as a test. He wanted to see if they would follow Him in complete obedience. And because they didn't, because they chose their own ways, sin crept in, and a generation abandoned God.

Speaks to us, doesn't it? Little things are important. Am I seeking to obey FULLY? Am I following in complete obedience? Knowing that future generations are affected by those little things certainly helps me want to obey. How are you in the in the area of obedience?

I also find myself thinking a lot about Little Man and his generation. How do I ingrain faith in our life to help him make it his own in his generation? I'm praying for him. I'm trying to weave godly habits into his day so that it's easier for him. I'm developing a real and vibrant relationship with God that I know will shine in our household. I'm seeking to live in obedience to God. What are you doing to testify to future generations so that they remember the God who has delivered you? (I'd love to have people comment and share the answer to that question.)

God bless you as you follow him in obedience and then raise up the next generation! (AND we all are raising up the next generation whether we have children of our own or not!)

For further looking:
http://www.soundofgrace.com/piper82/072582m.htm

Christ the Lord is Risen Today

2009-04-11T21:03:00.004-04:00

Since I was thinking of memorable hymns, this also came to mind.

As a child I attended a small country church. Sometimes we had a sunrise service to celebrate Resurrection Sunday. I loved those services! (The breakfast we had afterwards was also a reason to love those services!) My favorite part though was the last hymn, Christ the Lord is Risen Today- and not because I was eager to wrap up the service, but rather because of the victory it proclaimed. There were only a few of us in those pews, but we sang those verses with great passion and love. I couldn't wait to go see Jesus... and I still can't wait! But until then, I'll be watching, at work doing what I think He's asking me to do, and longing for that day. Oh sweet victory that Christ has brought us! Oh what a wonderful Savior! Oh, what an amazing God!

May your hearts ring with the anthem this Easter day!

Christ the Lord is risen today Alleluia
Sons of men and angels say Alleluia
Raise your joys and triumphs high Alleluia
Sing ye heavens and earth reply Alleluia

Lives again our glorious king Alleluia
Where o death is now thy sting Alleluia
Dying once He all doth save Alleluia
Where thy victory oh grave Alleluia

Alleluia Alleluia Alleluia

Love’s redeeming work is done Alleluia
Fought the fight the battle won Alleluia
Death in vain forbids him rise Alleluia
Christ has opened paradise Alleluia

Alleluia Alleluia Alleluia

Soar we now where Christ has led Alleluia
Following our exalted head Alleluia
Made like Him like Him we rise
Ours the cross, the grave, the skies Alleluia

Alleluia Alleluia Alleluia

When I Survey the Wondrous Cross

2009-04-10T14:33:00.006-04:00

I've always loved the words to this hymn.

When I survey the wondrous cross
on which the Prince of Glory died;
my richest gain I count but loss,
and pour contempt on all my pride.

Forbid it, Lord, that I should boast,
save in the death of Christ, my God;
all the vain things that charm me most,
I sacrifice them to his blood.

See, from his head, his hands, his feet,
sorrow and love flow mingled down.
Did e'er such love and sorrow meet,
or thorns compose so rich a crown.

Were the whole realm of nature mine,
that were an offering far too small;
love so amazing, so divine,
demands my soul, my life, my all.

I'm so grateful that God uses the arts to help us focus on Him. Whether music, photos, or film, ALL can be used for His glory and to bring attention to Him. May these clips from the Visual Bible also give you cause to worship.

A Holy Hush

2009-04-10T13:21:00.002-04:00

This morning I finally had quiet time before the rest of the household was up. What a wonderful time! Even though I may not have had the morning to myself for a while, God has been faithful to meet with me when I have drawn near. I have been so blessed as I’ve been preparing for a special Sunday School lesson this Sunday. As I posted earlier about celebrations, God planted seeds that I should continue to dig deeper and share with my Sunday School class what He has been teaching me. The time studying has made the Easter season so very sweet to me. And so this morning, this Good Friday morning, there’s been a holy hush. I can’t explain why, but the emotions have poured over me this year and worship has just welled from my heart as I’ve contemplated God’s plan of redemption.

As part of my quiet time I thought on Isaiah 52:13- Isaiah 53:12. Isaiah 52:14 tells us, “His face was so disfigured that he seemed hardly human, and from his appearance, one would scarcely know he was a man.” The description continues in 53:2 by saying that there wasn’t much there that would attract us or make us think that he was the one for us. In fact, he was despised and rejected. The words in vs 3 really got me, “We turned our backs on him and looked the other way. He was despised and we did not care.” Isaiah refers to Jesus as “a man of sorrows”. He also writes that it was our sorrows that weighted him down.

The description of what Jesus encountered for us grieves me and draws out such love for this God of mine. Notice:
He was pierced for our rebellion.
He was crushed for our sins.
He was beaten so we could be whole.
He was whipped so we could be healed.
He was oppressed and treated harshly.
He was led like a lamb to the slaughter.
He was led away unjustly condemned.
He was struck down.
He was buried like a criminal.

What a price God paid to redeem us! And how willingly he paid that price! Verse 10 and 11 tell us that after Jesus life was made an offering for sin, he would have many descendants and enjoy a long life. He would be satisfied after seeing all that is accomplished.

Our God is amazing and His love so beyond my understanding. I hope you too will take some time for a holy hush to come over you as you think on Jesus’s sacrifice for us.

Chris Tomlin- I Will Rise

2009-04-06T21:41:00.004-04:00

A few weeks ago I heard Chris Tomlin's song, "I Will Rise" for the very first time. It struck something deep in my heart. As we prepare to celebrate our Savior's death and resurrection, it seems to be a wonderful anthem for the heart.

There's a peace I've come to know
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There's an anchor for my soul
I can say "It is well"

Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead

[Chorus:]
And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise

There's a day that's drawing near
When this darkness breaks to light
And the shadows disappear
And my faith shall be my eyes

Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead

[Chorus:]
And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise

And I hear the voice of many angels sing,
"Worthy is the Lamb"
And I hear the cry of every longing heart,
"Worthy is the Lamb"
[x2]

[Chorus:]
And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise

Don't forget Him...

2009-04-04T06:40:00.002-04:00

As I was reading Deuteronomy chapter eight a while back I was struck by something in verse 11. To give you the context, Moses is preparing the people to enter the Promised Land. They've wandered and been disciplined, and now it's time to take what God has long promised. Moses reminds the people that this is a wonderful land; A land that overflows with abundance, and a place where they will be filled. In verse 11 he warns the people, "But that is the time to be careful! (Meaning when they've entered the land and been filled) Beware that in your plenty you do not forget the Lord your God and disobey his commands, regulations, and decrees that I am giving you today."

When we feel we've arrived, it's time to get on our knees and remember the One who's delivered us. It's then that we must humble ourselves and remember who we are and who He is. I found myself identifying with this. Life for me right now is in a good place. We're experiencing God's blessing in our life. He's providing in abundance for our physical needs. He's giving us good health in our immediate family and caring for those in the extended family. He's allowing us to enjoy a wonderful home and to fill it with happy memories of our Little Man. He's giving us times with good friends who bring great joy to life. Yes, we have much that could make us forget Him. So, I want to fight desperately to remember and keep things in perspective. Life isn't about me being comfortable or successful, it's about God receiving the glory that is due to His Name. I want to remember and obey.

Where are you in your journey?

Are you back in Egypt, under the control of one who does not own you? Do you need to turn to your Deliverer and follow Him?

Are you wandering in the wilderness? Is God supplying for your needs, building your character, and working to show Himself to you?

Or are you in the promised land? Is God giving you a time of peace and rest with abundance in your life? Do things seem easy and you find yourself assuming that this is the way life always was and always will be?

Regardless of where we are in life, the principle found in verse 11 is important. We must remember who God is and obey Him. We must pursue knowing him and follow him.

Don't forget Him...

Tuesdays Together- Deuteronomy 17:18-20

2009-03-31T13:23:00.006-04:00

Sorry for those of you who read this post earlier with its MANY typos....too much in a rush. Ahhh....what a bad example from a former teacher!

While enjoying the Ultimate Blog Party I came across DeeDee's, I Have No Greater Joy Blog. Weekly she hosts a gathering place for us to share "nuggets" from God's Word. What a joy to teach each other and hear the Word. Today I felt led to join in. If you'd like to see her post or others simply click on the button above!

My nugget:

My reading today was in Deuteronomy, and while there I found this.

"When he sits on the throne as king, he must copy these laws on a scroll for himself in the presence of the Levitical priests. He must always keep this copy of the law with him and read it daily as long as he lives. That way he will learn to fear the LORD his God by obeying all the terms of this law. This regular reading will prevent him from becoming proud and acting as if he is above his fellow citizens. It will also prevent him from turning away from these commands in the smallest way. This will ensure that he and his descendants will reign for many generations in Israel." Deuteronomy 17:18-20

These were guidelines for Israel's future king:
The king was to copy the laws in the presence of the priests. He wasn't supposed to have someone make him a copy, or even use the ancient xerox machine. No, he was to write the copy himself. Do you get why? Don't you learn better when you need to copy it by hand? Doesn't it seem to get your attention more? How much of God's Word have I copied? How much do I pay personal attention to what God has given me?

The king must keep this copy with him and read it daily. The Law wasn't supposed to be hidden somewhere or kept in a place where the king had to consult someone else in order to know what it said. He was supposed to have a personal copy and USE it. It wasn't to be kept in a fancy shrine, but rather where the king would have daily access to it. He was supposed to keep it in his mind and on his heart with daily doses. Where's my copy of God's Word? How often do I turn to it?

If the king writes a copy of the Law, keeps it with him and reads it regularly, what will be the result?
He will learn to fear God. God's Word reveals God to us. When we see God as He is, we will be in awe and have a proper respect for him. What's my view of God?

He will obey God. Obedience isn't because one is afraid of being punished by God, but rather that one loves God and wants to show that He deserves to be Lord and Master. If I have the right view of God I will know that His ways are far better than mine and I should walk in His path. Why do I obey God? Am I obeying Him?

He will have humility. Yes, he is the king and in a place of leadership, but reading God's Law will allow him to keep things in proper perspective. He is who he is because of God's work and not because of any merit he has on his own. How do I view myself in relation to others? Do I keep in mind that I am blessed not because of anything I have done, but rather because God choose to bless me? Do I remember that God loves each and every person with a real and personal love? Do I remember that I am called to serve?

He will keep to the right path. Keeping God's Word in his heart will keep him from taking steps off the path. Even in little ways he will remain on the path. God's Word works in our hearts and produces holiness. The more we are with God, the more we bear His image. The more I know God, the more senstive I am to ways my heart strays from Him. Am I pursuing God's holiness and allowing His Word to change my heart?

If the king was supposed to follow these guidelines, surely they are words that do my heart good as well? May you enjoy time in His Word on a daily basis!

A Wedding- Part 2

2009-03-30T14:38:00.000-04:00

Now that we know more about weddings in Jesus day, let's look more at what John 2 has to say. There was a problem at this wedding. They were out of wine. That wasn't good! They were lacking and in great need, because you didn't want to be known as the family that didn't throw a good party! Our pastor used this to make the great connection that we are also in need and have to admit that need. We need Jesus to fix the problem.

What I love is how Jesus goes about fixing the problem!(I have some questions about his response in vs 3, but that's probably just something to investigate another time!) Jesus tells the servants to fill the jars with water. Those jars were used to contain the water for purification. The Old Covenant or Law required that things be purified by washing them in water. It's these jars, that Jesus has filled with water that is then turned to wine. The servants obeyed, but God's power transformed what was there into what was needed. We needed reconciliation to God. We were separated because of sin. AND God provided the way to be reconciled through Jesus blood. Is it really a coincidence that the miracle is water becoming wine, if wine is a symbol of blood? Jesus offered us the New Covenant, and even from his very first miracle he was announcing it!

When the wine is tasted by the master of ceremonies he comments that usually people share the best wine first and then slip in wine of lesser quality. However, at this wedding, the best wine was now being offered. Isn't that just like our God. He gives us good things, like His Law and his teachings, but then He gives us even better things in His Son!

I have one last little nugget to share. In vs 11 it says that the miraculous sign at Cana in Galilee was the first time Jesus revealed his glory. Turning water into wine was a miracle. It would surely get some attention and make us think that this man wasn't like all the others. But if what I've been thinking and writing about has any truth, than Jesus revealed a whole lot more of who he was than just a miracle worker. He truly did reveal his glory as our Groom and our Bride Price.

Don't you love a good wedding?

Wedding Thoughts- Part One

2009-03-29T20:28:00.007-04:00

On Sunday I had the privilege of witnessing a wedding ceremony during our worship service. (Congratulations Steve and Victoria! May God bless both of you in this covenant!) Our pastor has been preaching a series about Jesus called “One Extraordinary Life”. Our text was John 2, which tells us about a wedding that Jesus attended as a guest. Besides the things I learned from our Pastor, some other things jumped out at me in the text.

The first of these was the phrase, “On the third day.” I've heard those words before. Is there significance here? What else has happened on the third day? When Jesus was telling his disciples about the events that would soon be occurring, he told them that he would be killed and on the third day raised to life (Mt. 16:21). Is there a reason that Jesus first miracle and the beginning of his public ministry also occurs on a third day?

Then I pondered why his first miracle was at a wedding. Was this important? As I thought more, tears formed in my eyes. A wedding? Isn’t Jesus whole ministry really about a wedding? Didn’t Jesus come to find his beloved and bring her to Him? Isn’t a wedding a natural place to start? (I still have questions regarding Jesus’s words in vs. 3, but I think I’ll save that for a little later.)

I wanted to know more about weddings in Jesus’s time, so I did a little digging. (I’m beginning to love digging!) At this time when a man found his beloved, he wrote a marriage covenant. He proposed the Ketubah, or marriage covenant, to his beloved and her father. Included in this proposal was a “bride price”, which was intended to cover the cost of raising his beloved. It also spoke of his love for her. Our Savior paid for us with His own blood. Surely we are precious to Him!

Next, the young man poured a cup of wine. If the beloved accepted the offer, she would drink this cup. The covenant was thought of as a blood covenant. The couple was now betrothed and bound by a covenant that can only be broken by divorce. Jesus has offered us a cup of wine. We find this cup being offered at the Last Supper in Mt. 26:27-28. Jesus said, “Each of you drink from it, for this is my blood, which confirms the covenant between God and his people.” When Jesus offered this cup he was saying, “Will you marry me?”

At this time the young man gave his beloved gifts and left her. The beloved waited for him to return for her. During this time she prepared herself for that day. The young man was also making preparations. He went to his father’s house and prepared a room in it for his bride. He could only return for his bride when the father approved of his preparations. If someone asked him what day he would be bringing her home, he replied, “Only the father knows.” Are there some tingles in your toes as you read this? Our groom has gone to prepare a place for us. He told us so in John 14:2. Jesus has gone to His Father’s house and is busy preparing a place for us. Can you imagine what He’s up to? And he will return for us. He’ll return when the place is approved by his father. Only the Father knows when that will be, but we can be sure it will happen!

Finally the day came for the groom to bring his bride to his father’s house. The bride and groom went to their room for a honeymoon that lasted seven days. It was at this time that the covenant was consummated. The guests in the house celebrated for those seven days. Talk about a party! At the end of the seven days, the husband and wife would join the guests for a wedding supper. What a time it will be when Jesus returns for His bride!

We'll return back to John 2 and the wedding Jesus was attending in the next post.

Hard Thinking

2009-03-24T13:11:00.006-04:00

Recently I started reading Cultivating a Life for God, by Neil Cole. It's making me think. I like books that make me think. I don't like books that make me think. You know what I mean?

I'm still thinking, but I wanted to process a bit now, so you get the joy of reading a "processing post". Cultivating a Life for God is a book about discipleship. It's not just about a formula per se, but it does examine how the church in the United States handles discipleship and the ways it is lacking. It also shares principles that can be put into action to lead to growth in making disciples.

A primary principle is that growth of any kind comes from God and not by the efforts of anyone else. I can't make myself grow, nor can I make anyone else grow. God is the source of life transforming power. The best way I can reach out to someone is to tell them about how God's life transforming power has worked in my life. It's simply sharing what has happened in my life. AND simply sharing that with people I'm in contact with.

Take a look at the ninth chapter of John sometime. It's the chapter that tells us about a blind man that was healed by Jesus and then brought to the Pharisees because Jesus healed him on the Sabbath. This man's life was touched by God's life transforming power, and because of this he could see for the first time in his life. And he could probably see many things clearer than those that had been "seeing" for all of their lives. This is the type of man that Neil Cole says has a great opportunity. He simply has to tell people the people he hung out with the way that Jesus changed his life.

But why does what is simple seem so hard? When have you last shared with someone how Jesus changed your life? Does anyone else struggle in this area? Are any of you like me- You know you were blind, but God's grace reached you at such a young age that it's hard to remember what it was like to be blind and your world was so small anyway that the blindness didn't seem so crippling? I know I have a great story, because it's God's work and what was once dead is now alive, but it just doesn't seem to have the punch that other stories have. I don't really want to trade my experience, but at the same time, I wish I could better express to someone just how life transforming Jesus is with some pretty exciting black and white examples.

To make the simple seem even less simple, I seem to have created a "Christian" bubble around me. This is even more true since becoming a SAHM. It's hard to find someone to share with in the context of a meaningful relationship.

As I share all this, I know that God has given me a story nonetheless. It is a story that is amazing because the main character is about this incredible God who blows your mind away with the way He works. The story includes me, but really I'm not the main character. I'm there as Ephesians 2:7 says, "So God can point to us in all future ages as examples of the incredible wealth of his grace and kindness toward us, as shown in all that he has done for us who are united with Christ Jesus. (NLT). AND I know that He brings people my way and will continue to do so if I'm intentionally seeking to listen to His plans and obey Him.

BUT I'm still thinking and examining my heart. I hope my hard thinking will prompt you to do some hard thinking, too.

I'd love to know how God's story includes a chapter with your name on it. Feel free to tell that part of the story as a comment and let's give God all the glory!

A Different Kind of Celebration

2009-03-21T14:05:00.007-04:00

I know if you've been reading my blog I told you I'd get off the celebration theme, but this kind of celebration is different!

Welcome to the Ultimate Blog Party, 2009! The ladies at 5 Minutes for Mom's have created a great way for people to connect in the blog world. Click on the banner to learn more and join the party.

If you've joined me from the party, welcome! Let me introduce myself. I'm Melissa, the wife of Dear Husband, the stay at home mom of almost two year old Little Man, and a woman who desires to follow after God with all her heart. Since I stay at home a lot, blogging has done much to help keep me thinking and stay connected to people. I started blogging when Little Man was about to make his grand entrance to the world. Just this year I began this blog because I wanted a place where I could process and share what I was learning. I belong to a great body of believers, but felt that God was leading me to share in this arena. This blog is still growing; you might want to think of it in some kind of caterpillar stage. It's also a pretty serious site...sorry no giveaways, no cute themes yet, and lots of reading. Regardless, of how it changes, I want it always to be a place where you can find some encouragement by connecting to someone who's trying to be the woman God sees her to be.

You might want to check out these posts if you're interested in learning a little more about the site.
Servant's Heart
Something To Share With A Mom
Book Chat
Let's Celebrate

Back to the party! There's nothing like having a reason to celebrate. Here's what I'm celebrating today:
1. I can see some brown grass and not just a foot of snow in my Maine front yard. AND the calendar says it's spring.

2. Little Man can say Thank You and said it to me on his own without any prompting when I have him some yogurt today.

3. Ice Cream---and the opening of our local ice cream location

4. My God who hasn't given up on me even when He needs to keep repeating the lessons He wants me to learn.

5. The Internet, which allows me to keep in touch with family and friends, and meet new folks like you!

Before you leave, I'm curious. What are you celebrating right now?

Watch the Lamb

2009-03-21T13:53:00.003-04:00

Thank you, my dear Jesus.

Festival of Harvest-Pentecost

2009-03-21T13:07:00.003-04:00

Thanks for sticking with me as I've looked at the celebrations spoken of in Leviticus 23. I know it's been a little tedious, but I've learned much. I'm going to wrap up this thread of posts though, by writing about the final spring festival.

The Festival of Harvest is celebrated 49 days after the Feast of First Harvest. (50 days total, which is where we get the word Pentecost.) The Festival of Harvest was a time when the spring wheat harvest was being gathered.

Historically it correlates with the Israelites receiving the Torah, or Law. When the Israelites arrived at Mt. Sinai, they purrified themselves for 2 days and were to receive God's word on the third day. They were not to approach the mountain. It was covered with dense clouds, fire, smoke, and there was thunder and lightening. God wrote his commands on 2 tablets of stone. It's also significant that when Moses came down from the mountain and found the people worshipping a golden calf, God judged the nation and 3,000 people died (Ex. 32:28).

God used this festival to point to the giving of the Holy Spirit 50 days after Jesus's resurrection and the beginning of a harvest of believers. God offered a new covenant through Jesus and the Holy Spirit was given as a promise to those that entered the covenant. Acts 2 tells us about the Holy Spirit's arrival at Pentecost. When Peter, who is filled with the Spirit, speaks to the crowd gathered to celebrate Pentecost, 3,000 people believe and enter the new covenant.

Pentecost was celebrated by offerings, one of which was a new grain offering. They were to offer 2 loaves of bread. These were not unleavened loaves, but rather loaves made with yeast. This is very different from the Feast of Unleavened Bread and Passover. Why the differnece? My readings told me that Christ was represented by the unleavened bread in the Feast of Unleavened Bread and Passover. He was without sin, so therefore, the bread was without yeast. However, the bread at Pentecost represents the nation of Israel and the church. Both contain sin, so the bread contains yeast.

The Festival of Harvest was the last of the spring festivals and the beginning of the gathering of grains. In the fall, another set of festivals would be celebrated that correlates with the gathering of the fruit harvest. We are living in the times of plentiful harvest. Let us pray to the Lord of the Harvest and ask him to send out workers. Let us also be about the work that God has given us. The fall festivals give us information about Jesus second coming and the Final Harvest. I'll be studying, but unless I find something that I just have to share with you, I think the blog will take a break from all this celebrating. (I know some of you are dancing with joy!)

Festival of Unleavened Bread

2009-03-19T15:07:00.002-04:00

Exodus 12:14-17 gives us background information about the Festival of Unleavened Bread. The feast lasts 7 days, during which no one is to eat bread made with yeast. In the Bible leaven or yeast is a symbol for sin. The Israelites were to be a people set apart from sin. This was symbolically seen during this celebration. The festival also gavem them a remembrance of their freedom from slavery in Egypt.

Digging a little deeper I found some more insights. Before Passover (the day before the festival begins) the wife cleaned the home thoroughly, removing all leaven. However, she purposefully left 10 small pieces of bread containing yeast behind as part of a teaching tradition. The father of the family would take a candle, wooden sppon, feather, and piece of linen cloth and go with the children throughout the house looking for any missed leaven. At nightfall on the day before Passover a final search was made using just candles. When the Father found the last piece of bread, he would put the candle down and lay the wooden spoon next to the bread. Using the feather, the father would sweep the bread on to the spoon. Without touching the bread, the father would wrap the spoon in a linen cloth and cast the bundle out of the house. The next morning the father would burn the linen and its contents in a fire.

This tradition speaks of how God removes sin from our lives. Scripture (the candle) is one of the elements that reveals sin in our life. When sin is found the Holy Spirit (feather) is an instrument in bringing sin to death. The spoon (cross) bears the sin away. The linen (burial wrapping) covers death. The sin is condemned and punished (fire).

How grateful I am that God has provided the way to remove sin and its power from my life! I am no longer a slave to sin! Thanks be to God I am free indeed!

Passover

2009-03-18T14:26:00.009-04:00

For me, the celebration of Passover was the most familiar of the feasts spoken about in Leviticus 23. The first Passover celebration is recorded in Exodus 12. The easiest connection for me to make between the Passover and Jesus's work of redemption centered on the blood of the lamb. A lamb was killed on Passover to provide the blood and the Lamb of God was killed on Passover to also provide the cleansing blood. It was the blood of the lamb, when applied to the doorposts and lintel that gave the message that death would not claim anyone in this household. Jesus blood when applied to our lives through faith in him prevents death from continuing its work in our life. Jesus is the ultimate Passover Lamb.

Further study, however, has given me some new insights about the lamb. The Passover lamb was selected or chosen five days before Passover. How fitting then, that Jesus should come to Jerusalem on lamb selection day. The Passover Lamb was present and waiting for the sacrifice.

God certainly is a God of the details! The throat of the Passover lamb was to be cut at 3 pm. It was at this time that the shofar was sounded and the people were to reflect on the sacrifice. In addition, the priest said the words, "It is finished" when he sacrificed the lamb. Do you already see the connection in the details? Jesus, The Passover Lamb, cried, "It is finished" when he gave up his spirit at 3 pm on the day day of Passover. Amazing!

There are still things I'm sorting out as I learn about the connections between Christ's life and the Passover, but I'm learning more and more. I'd often wondered how the Last Supper could be a Passover meal (seder) AND yet Jesus could die on Passover. Part of that is resolved with learning more about a day in Hebrew life...it's actually sundown to sundown. But what clears up the question even more for me is that traditionally at the time of the temple there were often 2 seders. The first Seder occurred on the 14th and the second on the 15th. So, Jesus was able to share the Passover meal with his disciples and then become our Passover Lamb.

The Passover Seder is another celebration packed with meaning and symbolism. Seder means order and God certainly uses the order found in this 15 step celebration to teach us. The meal begins with Kaddesh. The first cup of wine, the cup of sanctification, is presented and the blessing, "Blessed are you, Lord our God, King of the Universe, who creates the fruit of the vine," is given. Remember that in John 15:1 Jesus tells us he is the True Vine.

If you'd like to read more about the Passover meal, I'd encourage you to. I'm going to highlight several steps in the seder that have special meaning.

The Yachatz, or breaking of bread is of particular significance. During this part of the meal the focus is on 3 pieces of bread. The middle piece of unleavened bread is ceremonially broken in two. The larger of the two broken pieces is wrapped in a napkin and set aside for later in the meal. Did you catch the number of pieces of bread? Three. The Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit are represented. The Son of God, or Bread of Life, is broken for us.

Near the conclusion of the meal things get more interesting again. At the Tzafun the piece of broken unleavened bread that was hidden in a cloth (afikomen) is found by a child. A ransom is paid for the piece of bread. This bread is then eaten. Loads of importance here. First, the broken bread is brought out into the open. Our broken Savior was laid in a seplecure and then resurrected. A ransom was paid for us to receive life from God.

After this the Barech, or grace after the meal is said. A third cup of wine is celebrated. This cup is called the cup of redemption. It is a cup filled to overflowing. It was probably this cup that Jesus shared with his diciples as a sign of the New Covenant.

The Passover provides us with much food for thought. I hope as Passover and Easter draw close you will have new insights into God's amazing love for us.

Overview of the Spring Festivals

2009-03-12T21:38:00.008-04:00

Here's what I've learned in an overview of the spring festivals. Remember, this is an overview, so later I'll go back and give more meat to what I've learned. I hope you find this interesting, too. If not, I'm sorry, because I think I'll be camped out on this topic for a while.

The spring festivals are remembrances of God's deliverance of Israel from Egypt and their journey to the Promised Land. These celebration closely parallel events in Christ's first coming and works of redemption.

The first of the spring festivals is Passover. It is celebrated on the 14th day of the first month of the religious calendar with a special meal, and reminds us of the first Passover meal the Israelites ate while in Egypt. Remember, God told them to slay a lamp and then put the blood on the doorposts of their homes. That night the Angel of Death would 'passover' any home that bore the blood of the sacrificial lamb. The parallel to this feast is that Jesus is our Passover lamb. His death and blood allowed God to passover us and not punish us in the way that we deserve.

The Feast of Unleavened Bread begins the day after Passover and lasts for 7 days. During this time, the Exodus is remembered. The Israelites left Egypt so quickly that they did not have leavened bread. There are some things during this feast that tie in closely with Jesus being in the tomb.

During the Feast of Unleavened Bread, the Feast of First Fruits (Feast of First Harvest) is celebrated. It's the first of the barley harvest and is the first day of the week (our Sunday). In Exodus, the Israelites arrived at the Red Sea 3 days after the Exodus. Exodus 14:13 in the New King James Version reads, "And Moses said to the people, “Do not be afraid. Stand still, and see the salvation of the LORD, which He will accomplish for you today. For the Egyptians whom you see today, you shall see again no more forever." Remember, the Hebrew word for salvation is Yeshua.
Even here, we find our Deliverer at work! From what I read, the Feast of First Fruits is celebrated on the 17th of the month, 3 days after the Passover meal. That's right, 3 days later. The Feast of First Fruits gives us information about the resurrection. When Jesus rose from the tomb he accomplished great things for us.

The final of the spring festivals is the Festival of Harvest or Feast of Weeks. It takes place 50 days after the Feast of First Fruits. In my reading, I discovered that the Israelites received the Law from God 50 days after the Exodus. The Greek word for 50th is Pentecost. Sound familiar? In the New Testament, believers received the gift of the Holy Spirit 50 days after Jesus death. It's also noted that the Season of Passover is not totally over until Pentecost. Now, don't you find all of this just a tad bit interesting?

God is Amazing!

2009-03-12T21:21:00.004-04:00

Have you ever discovered something in Scripture that just blew you away? Has it ever been a small detail, so small, and yet so significant? I've been amazed by God as I've begun digging deeper into Leviticus 23. I AM SO EXCITED! Leviticus---EXCITING????You know it's God when that's happening!

The Thoenes say in their books that everything means something. Oh, my gosh is that true as I'm discovering in my studies. I wish I could walk in the culture of the Books of the Bible. There is so much I just don't get because I'm not from the culture. I want God to show me more and more of Him and His ways. Slow down and study...everything means something.

So, what am I so excited about? Let me share just a bit, and I'll try to keep sharing as I'm learning. (I would love to us this material to teach a class. We'll see how God leads.)

First, Colossians 2:16-17 says, "So don't let anyone condemn you for what you eat or drink, or for not celebrating certain holy days or new moon ceremonies or Sabbaths. For these rules are only shadows of the reality to come." What we find in Leviticus is a shadow of something else. The feasts are to teach us about Christ.

There are seven feasts. That's right, seven, a significant number in the Bible. It signifies perfection. The seven feasts create a gathering of the Israelites three times during the year. The number three in Scripture refers to completeness, a perfect testimony and witness. So these gatherings are a testimony or witness of Christ. Are you finding this interesting yet?

Hang on, I'm still contemplating this next one. The Hebrew Civil Calendar (based on the moon) was given in Genesis and used through Exodus 12. In Exodus 12, God gives them a new calendar, the Religious Calendar. Two Calendars...two covenants...two testaments.... AND the new Religious Calendar simply renumbers the months so that what was the SEVENTH months in the Civil Calendar is now the FIRST month in the Religious Calendar. Why does the renumbering start with the seventh month? Everything means something. Isn't God amazing? And that's just the tip of the iceberg. I'll be back.

Let's Celebrate!

2009-03-10T12:52:00.010-04:00

As I've completed reading through the book of Leviticus recently, I found myself thinking a lot about celebrations. In chapter 23 God reminds Israel that they are to keep a weekly Sabbath day. They are to set aside a day for rest and holy assembly- a day that due to its difference is to turn them from the daily grind of life and lift their hearts heavenward. (The Sabbath is something I'd also like to delve into more, especially after reading ch 25 which talks about the Sabbath Year and Year of Jubilee...so you may find more musings on this later.) After reminding the people that they are to have weekly opportunities to refocus their lives, He then describes several important festivals that they are to celebrate each year.

Passover--------------------celebrated sundown on the 14th of the first month;
special meal
Feast of Unleavened bread-- celebrated 15th of the first month; Lasting 7 days
Eat no bread with yeast, special gifts presented each day, first and last
day no work and official day for holy assembly

First Harvest---------------celebrated first Sabbath after first harvest--special
gifts to God
Festival of Harvest(or Festival of Weeks)-- celebrated 50 days after the First
Harvest Offering--special gifts to God and no work, official day for holy
assembly

Festival of Trumpets-------celebrated first day of the seventh month-- special
gifts, no work, official day for holy assembly
Day of Atonmement---------celebrated 10th day of seventh month-- offerings made for
purification, no work, official day for holy assembly
Festival of Shelters (Festival of Booths or Tabernacles, Final Harvest)-- celebrated
five days after the Day of Atonement-- last 7 days, first day no work,
official day for holy assembly, special gifts for 7 days, eighth day
special gifts and no work

As I thought more about these special celebrations, I began to see that God regularly provided His people with celebrations to remind them of Him and their relationship with Him. There are many things in the celebrations that also point to Christ. (So many little things in Scripture mean something, and I'm yearning for God to show me more about what significance these celebrations held.) We are to take time out ROUTINELY to do things that are NOT routine. We are to cease our normal daily running around to be still and know that He is God. We are to seek to understand His ways so that we may know Him and continue to enjoy favor with Him (Ex. 33:12-13).

So what application are we supposed to make of this? Do we have celebrations that allow us to know Him and to learn about our relationship with Him? Do we really celebrate as God commanded his people to, or do we celebrate based on the direction of Hallmark and our culture?

Interesting that God should be speaking about all of this to me last week, because He showed me a bit of application this past Sunday. My family and I had the privilege of being part of an Ordination Ceremony for a couple that we are friends with who will shortly be taking on the roles of Pastor and Pastor's Wife. Our Sunday Worship service became a time to remember what God has already done in their lives and to look forward to what He will continue to do. What a joy it was to hear the words of a charge from a mentor of theirs who spoke with God's wisdom and great love. There were words of encouragement for all of us from our Pastor who reminded us of the responsibilities we all have to be ministering and going about the work that God has prepared for us. And what a time of blessing it was to gather in prayer and pray over this dear couple. This time reminded us of the eternal things of life and took us out of our normal routine. We were refreshed and uplifted as we also thought about God's work in our own lives and focused on Him.

I think I understood a little bit of the reason why God wants us to have celebrations in our lives that are centered around Him as I enjoyed this past Sunday. I am challenged to think of other times that I celebrate and allow him to reveal himself to me. What about you? When will you take sometime to celebrate?

For more study: http://www.mayimhayim.org/Festivals/Feast1.htm

(I'm currently working through this...it's truly wonderful how God has given us so much meaning if we'll only dig deep enough to uncover it.)

Book Chat

2009-03-02T20:50:00.005-05:00

One of the things I loved about teaching was sharing great books with my students. I still love reading, but find I don't work through the books as quickly as I did my pre-Little Man days!

One of my favorite authors is a husband/wife team, Bodie and Brock Thoene. They write Historical Christian Fiction, and their writing is incredible. One of their series is the A.D. Chronicles, which takes you back to the walk with Jesus as he journeyed on this Earth. It's an amazing series, because it takes the Truth of God's Word and brings new things to light as you ponder the REAL people who walked with Jesus. I just finished The Seventh Day. The major story line centered on Lazarus.

I found many connections with people in my life who I know are struggling with some of the very questions Mary and Martha must have had as their brother grew sicker and died and Jesus stayed away. Can you imagine what they felt? They were close to Jesus, they loved him and were loved by him. They watched their dear brother grow sick and weaken to the point that death was breathing in the room with them. Jesus could have come. He could have been there and said one word and health would have returned instantly. He could have just spoken a word from far away, just like he had to bring healing to the Centurion's servant. But he didn't. Death won.

Have you been there? Have you been in a situation where death was about to strike? Death of a loved one, death of a dream, or death of hope? Did you ask the question- Why--- why didn't you stop it, God?

The thing about Lazarus's story is that we know the ending. The story doesn't stop with death, it keeps going to life. Jesus delays his journey to Mary, Martha, and Lazarus, but finally does travel to Bethany and there further reveals who he is by bringing someone back to life who has been in the grave for 3 days. His Father receives even GREATER glory and His identity is further revealed.

So, how does this speak to these dear people who have had their hopes die? Our God is the same God. He has a purpose. He hasn't lost control of any situation. We aren't abandoned and alone. Like Jesus who wept when he came to Bethany because of the sorrow of those he loved, God weeps at our pain. AND He is still at work. Priscilla Shirer writes in He Speaks to Me, "Trials and challenges are inevitable. We must learn to expect them, submit to them, and learn from them. However, rest assured that behind every challenge we will find God orchestrating the circumstances to build us up and bring Himself glory."

This is the message my heart is holding to and the message I want those that are grieving to cling to: He's at work to bring himself glory and to further build our relationship with Him, even when we ask, "Why did you allow that to happen?"

Two Quotes to Share

2009-02-26T15:25:00.004-05:00

This week I found the following in my readings from "Praying God's Word Day by Day" by Beth Moore.

The first I'd read before and remember being struck by, but apparently didn't put it in a place that I'd continually pondered it.

A Christian is held captive by anything that hinders the abdundant, effective, spirit-filled life God planned for him.

As I read it, I was struck again by the power of the definition. I needed to share it, but I also want to place it where I can be reminded of it often. (I think you'll see it on the sidebar soon!) Think this quote over a bit. We think we're free. We resist any idea that we could be slaves of something aside from God. BUT we are often recaptivated...not by God, but rather by things that hinder us. Things that keep us from the life God has planned for us. What a plan! It's a life that's abundant, effective and spirit-filled. I can invision that life...I want that life...and yet, sometimes I trade in that life so easily to be captive to my silly notions, my shortsighted solutions, and my prideful self. I want the life God has planned for me...what about you? Let's remember that we are free indeed (thanks to the blood of Christ!) and stay that way!

The second quote newly struck me, but my wandering heart loves it.

Obedient lives are not perfect lives. Obedience does not mean sinlessness, but confession and repentence when we sin.

I've often wondered how King David could be called "a man after God's own heart" after all he did that showed his shortcomings and sin. I guess I've connected having a heart like God's to having a heart that pleases Him. I think this quote helps to show how a heart that sometimes turns and is far from perfect could please God. God loves a heart that obeys Him, that delights in hearing His Word and doing it. But in our flesh that obedience falters. We fail. I fail...and often miserably. BUT God wants us to turn around and return to Him as soon as we fall. That's the key to having a heart that pleases him. May I be quick to obey and even quicker to return if I don't!

Tent of Meeting

2009-02-21T07:01:00.009-05:00

As I approached God in my quiet time today, I was aware of my need to not be flippant or take this time in a light-hearted manner. It's so easy to draw close to God and then go coasting along and suddenly realize that you're not really LOOKING for Him, you're just going through the motions. So, I wanted to take things seriously. My daily readings have been from Exodus, and just the other day I was reading about the priests being dedicated. Coming before God was a special and unique privilege and required preparation. With this thought in mind, as well as gratitude that I'm covered by the blood of the Perfect Sacrifice, I humbly asked God to meet with me.

God is so good, because meet with me, He did! I got to camp out a bit in Exodus 33 and find all sorts of things to fill my mind with.

Exodus 33 begins God telling Moses that he will not travel among the people of Israel because they are a stubborn and rebellious people and he would surely destroy them along the way. May I quickly repent from my own stubbornness and rebellion, because where would I be if God did not travel though life with me?

Next, there is a flashback which gives us some information about how God did travel among his people. Moses met with God at the Tent of Meeting. In vs 11 it says that "the Lord would speak to Moses face to face, as one speaks to a friend." How wonderful is that....Moses talked with God as a friend. What intimacy is suggested by this? The great God of the universe, bends low and abides with Moses for a while to talk. I found myself desiring to have that same fellowship.

But after a while, I began to think about this more. I am a friend of God. Thanks to Christ's sacrifice, God does have a friendship with me and is able to fellowship with me. But I'm also more than a friend. I'm also God's child....his very own adopted daughter. A daughter who's adoption papers are paid for with a great price. This is even greater than being a friend, because although a friend has great access to another friend, there are still barriers. But, as I've found since having my son, a child has unlimited access to a parent. AND that access is tempered with great love. What joy is ours!

After more mulling on the subject, I also realized how great is our privilege to not meet with God in a tent....but in a way to BE that very tent! God's Spirit indwells us and meets with us whenever we tune in. We are the ones who decide how frequent that is. AND one day that tent will be folded up Paul tells us in 1 Cor. 5 and we'll finally be with God in glory. What a day!

Later in the chapter verse 13 struck me. It's a verse in which Moses asks for something that I, too, desire. He says, If it is true you look favorably on me, let me know your ways so I may understand you more fully and continue to enjoy your favor." Moses wants to understand God more fully....to know Him. And in the conclusion of the chapter Moses requests seeing God's glorious presence and is granted the opportunity to experience all of God's goodness passing before him and hear God speak his own name. That's getting to know God in a special way.

There's one more precious thing tucked away in this chapter. When Moses is asking God to be sure to go with them from this place, Moses asks God, "How will anyone know that you look favorably on me- on me and on your people- if you don't go with us?" (vs 16). Then he adds, "For your presence among us sets your people and me apart from all the other people on the earth." It's God's presence that made Israel so different. What about me? Does God's presence set me apart in a way that others can see? Or am I very much like the world I live in, but still wanting the favor of God.

I want God to go with me. I want to know Him. I want to meet with Him. I want others to meet Him when they see me. What about you?

A meal with God

2009-02-17T06:53:00.006-05:00

Today I was reading from Exodus 24. The leaders of Isarel meet with God to confirm the covenant. I was caught by something I read in verses 9-11. It says that Moses, Aaron, Nadab, Abihu, and the seventy elders of Israel climbed up the mountain and saw God. It says the nobles gazed upon God and He did not destroy them. Here they saw him in glory. Curiously, the only thing recorded about what they saw is his feet and what seemed to be under his feet. An article I later read suggested that the elders were gazing up at God who was enthroned above them and so they only viewed his feet. This would seem to be supported by other descriptions of seeing God on his throne (Ezekial and Rvelation) and the fact that anyone who saw God's face would die (Remember even Moses had to be covered by God's hand and only saw his back (Exodus 33). Can you imagine how that experience would change one's life? How often do we wish we could REALLY see God in a tangible way? But not only did they see God, they also ate a covenant meal within his presence. When two parties entered into a covenant, a sacrifice was made, and a meal was often shared using part of the sacrifice. That would be a pretty amazing meal.

But while thinking on that, I was suddenly aware, that we too share a meal with God- a covenant meal when we eat the Lord's Supper. It's during this meal that we remember the New covenant. It's a meal that reminds us His very body and blood fulfilled the demands of the covenant. Now, that's an even more amazing meal.

As I pondered this the questions then came. So, how am I living after having been in God's presence and eating from His table? Do I live differently? Am I marked by the New Covenant in anyway? Or, like the elders of Israel, do I quickly descend from the mountain and soon set up altars to a god that I make and seem to forget the whole thing.

May you meet with God and remember the covenant He's made with you. AND may this make all the difference in the world!

Happy Valentine's Day

2009-02-14T21:37:00.005-05:00

Recently I came across I Corinthians 13 in The Message. Talk about a fresh reading of some familiar words. See what you find.

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

Did anything stand out to you? Aren't you glad that God loves us with this kind of love and ALSO gives us the power to love like this. My prayer today is that I would put love into action and love in such a way as is described above.

When God speaks, He says a mouthful.

2009-02-10T13:43:00.007-05:00

As God has been speaking the last few days in my life, He's been saying a LOT, but I've been having some trouble bring order to it. Maybe as I write, He'll help focus the big picture and share something with you as well.

I've been working on memorizing Isaiah 33:6 (yes, for those that know me...it's an Isaiah passage and I LOVE it!) The verse says, "In that day He will be your sure foundation, providing a rich store of salvation, wisdom and knowledge. The fear of the Lord will be your treasure." The verse has become dear to me for several reasons. To begin with I love that God is described as my sure foundation. He certainly is. I can't build anything without Him being the basis, and I'm so glad I can be SURE of Him!

Then I love what He so richly provides: salvation, wisdom, and knowledge. I'm intrigued about the order of those words. I always feel that God is VERY intentional about His Word, so I'm wondering what significance I should see here. Salvation makes sense to be listed first- where would we be without salvation? It's the very first thing He does for us when we seek to build a relationship with Him. But I've always thought that knowledge would come before wisdom, since I've often defined wisdom as the application of knowledge. Any ideas? Regardless, I'm glad that He provides a rich store of wisdom. Oh, how I need it and pray for it daily!

The verse concludes with "The fear of the Lord will be your treasure." That's the phrase that has been hitting me most. I know that the fear here is better thought of as reverence. This is SO critical in my relationship with God. I need to revere God- to place him in his rightful place- to see him as Most High. I know this is important since the verse calls it my treasure. Why my treasure? I think it must be a key in living a life with God. If I revere God, I see him as He should be. That means I'll also see issues and problems in comparison to the mightiness of God. If I revere God I will make better choices because I'll want honor Him and won't make gods of other things. If I revere God I won't take Him for granted or make light of Him. If I revere Him worshipping Him comes naturally. It makes sense then that fearing God is a treasure.

The idea of fearing the Lord has also appeared in my study of He Speaks To Me. This study examines I Samuel 3 as a key to being prepared to hear from God. Samuel was a boy when he heard from God and had childlike simplicity. He apparently had a proper fear or reverence for the Lord. The link was then made that we show our reverence for God by obeying him.

Which brings me to the next topic that God's been speaking to me about. Obedience. Our Pastor said something that struck me on Sunday. He said, "Knowledge brings with it the responsibility to obey." He pointed to James 4:17, which reads, "Remember it is sin to know what you ought to do and then not to do it." Ouch! When I know something, I need to be sure to live in a way that carries out what I know. When I know I should speak a word of encouragement, I need to speak. When I know I should do something to build a relationship, I should do it. When I know I should serve and carry out an action with humility, I need to do it. And, didn't that verse in Isaiah say that He would give me a rich store of knowledge. oh, boy! And why am I supposed to obey? Because I revere God. It's not because I'm trying to earn something or look good, but because He is in the place of authority and I respect Him.

So, what has God been talking to you about? Any thoughts about fearing God, wisdom, knowledge, or obedience? I pray that you are learning and growing in God's grace! Keep serving!

Duh, we're on the same team!

2009-02-02T15:38:00.006-05:00

Have you ever had one of those moments where you just want to shake your head and go, duh? God certainly must look at my life sometimes and think..."That girl! She just doesn't see it does she? I better give her a clue!"

I'm thinking He's saying that recently. See, while I've been learning about servanthood, I've also been thinking about my role as a wife. Sometimes, I don't have the respect I should have for the great man God has given me as a husband. Oh, he's human,....but then again so am I! I'm called to be his helper. I have a God-given ministry to my husband -to serve him and help him. That's pretty special.

AND yet, sometimes...I can be so critical, sharp, and unwilling to serve. A recent example: My dear husband came home from work after completing about a 14-15 hour shift. He was hungry. I thought maybe he'd have grabbed a bite, so when he says he's hungry, I give him two choices snd grudgingly warm up some leftovers. Of course, I need to make the comment that this means he won't be ready for supper when the rest of the family is and that the kitchen must always be open.

A little while later it hits me....Um...Hey, he and I are on the same team? Why am I getting short with him? What am I doing?

This thought has been tossing and turning in my brain since that happened. I want to be a teammate...a helper that puts our team forward. I want to encourage him, not discourage him. I want to lighten his load, not add to it. I want to honor him, not dishonor him. I remember how it was when we were first dating and falling in love. I so easily overlooked things and saw the good. I was eager to accomodate and willing to help in anyway. I couldn't wait to spend time with him, and I'd certainly put aside anything for him. Why should that really change? I want to an attitude more like the one I had then, with all the strengths that come from walking with a person for years.

Who has God put you on the same team with? Are you treating them like a teammate? Where are you performing strong and where can you make improvements. Let us not give up doing good as long as it is called today!

More Ideas on Servanthood

2009-01-27T13:43:00.004-05:00

Yesterday I came across a site by Priscilla Shirer, the author of a book I've been reading. The article (True Servanthood)that I chose to read there gave me much to think on. How like God to have some of the very same text from that article appear in the chapter of the book that I was reading today. I'm slow to get things I guess, and grateful that He's taking the efforts to make things clear to me.

I was really convicted of how often I offer to serve, but don't really mean it. Have you been there? I mean, you say, if there's anything I can do to help, just let me know. And like most people, including you, you know that offer won't be taken up on.

I want the boldness to be able to just do! To serve and not let myself get in the way. To not worry about if they really need help, or about my time or resources, but to give. I'm greatly challenged, but may I also be obedient. That's my prayer today. Lord, may I do the things I know I need to. May I serve, not grudgingly, but with a happy and willing spirit. May I serve, and not just offer to serve. May these simple things bring you glory.

AND if you find me at your doorstep with a mop, a casserole, or a shovel, well praise the Lord!

http://www.goingbeyond.com/box/box_dec03.asp

God Speaks

2009-01-26T13:53:00.003-05:00

It totally amazes me that God should choose to be in relationship with me. Who am I to Him? He doesn't need my efforts, but He wants me. I'm greatly humbled...and amazed.

Today God has been just so wonderful. After finding it difficult to have time with Him, He's been so faithful. I fully anticipated that today would begin with Little Man sleeping in until 7 or so, which would give me some wonderful alone time in the morning. AHH. Twas not to be though. Instead he was up around 6 and required me to complete a "nuclear waste removal" process. I've never seen so much poop in a set of pajamas!

Ah well. Later I did find time to meet with God and how sweet He was. For several months I'd been wrestling with how I hear from God and what He says to me. Prodded on by a Bible study that made me do a lot of soul searching I felt really dry and lost in the end. I knew God spoke to me and I know I had a relationship with Him, but there certainly seemed to be a lot of silence. It's been so encouraging to continue studying God speaking to us and be reminded that although God does speak to us, we can't MAKE Him speak to us. Yes, we can prepare our hearts and need to do so, but God speaks as He wills. Our job is to pursue Him and continue after Him while waiting to hear.

What joy is mine as He is speaking to me. I continue to be bombarded with messages about servanthood. What wonderful reminders and challenges. Reminders that serving my family is part of my ministry and divine calling. Reminders that feelings are not a measure of servanthood, in fact, they often must be sacrificed. Challenges to follow in obedience as a servant even when we don't really want to go where we see the immediate steps taking us. Challenges to keep on when times are difficult. (A part of me is wondering what all this is preparing me for. What is the challenge that is ahead?)

Dear one, may you continue to seek Him at all times. I pray that you are encouraged today by the fact that He is speaking and choosing to talk with you. May we both have open ears and hearts set to obey!

How do they do it?

2009-01-23T20:58:00.003-05:00

I've been thinking on some things in between extra loads of laundry from Little Man. How do moms really find time to be with God on a continual basis? I'm not saying that I'm not having time with God, but it's sometimes so broken up with the demands of the day that I wonder if anything is really sticking or getting through. I suspected that life could be like this as a mom, but now I'm thinking about it more, and wondering what the affects of more than one child is. To those of you who are mom's and you are maintaining a daily, vibrant time with our Father....YEAH! I'm cheering you on and I want to know your secret!

Prior to this week of mild "sickness" in the house, I was pretty good at being the first one up and enjoying some quiet time with my Lord then. Nothing like the Bible, a cup of coffee, and some "set things straight" prayer time to get the day going. Of course, that didn't mean I wasn't chatting with God throughout the day, but that morning time just seemed SO good. THIS week, I've been up with Little Man around 4AM changing sheets, letting him sleep on top of me in our bed, (since that's the only place he seems happy afterwards), and sadly missing my quiet morning time. He wakes me up and the day begins with a quick check in prayer and hopes to read something over breakfast.

I remember consoling my sister-in-law, who adventured into motherhood before me, that surely this was a season and that God would be faithful to feed her on the time she was able to make happen. I think that's still true, but sometimes you just get a little tired of quick prayers, hurried readings, and a "quiet" time punctuated with a baby's cry. Sometimes it feels like you're bailing out a boat that's taking on water too quickly.

So, if you're able to enjoy the luxury of having your time all your own, ENJOY your time with our Father. AND if you're in the motherhood boat, know that a fellow mom's encouraging you to keep bailing out your boat and that she's fixing her eyes on the One that was able to do all kinds of things from a boat!

AND seriously, if you have something that works for you to help build your relationship with God while doing the Mom thing, by all means, SHARE!

Be Still

2009-01-20T13:38:00.003-05:00

I've had a chance to apply some of what I've been learning. There have been victories and failings. Dear husband hasn't been feeling well and Little Man seems to be under the weather, some also. I had my first experience cleaning up after a sick little boy, so new ground in the servant area! I find that I'm not as compassionate or tenderhearted as I probably should be. And I'm continuing to strive to understand what it means to be a servant in my home. Philippians 2:5-8 continues to speak to me. The phrase, "took the humble position of a slave", is one that I'm really thinking on. I'm not saying by any stretch of the imagination that I'm working like a slave or even close to be feeling like one, but at the same time, I'm thinking about what the meant for Christ. A slave doesn't have rights, and I think that's the big point. So, when I want to scream for my time, my space, my rights, I need to think about this.

At the same time that I've been mulling this over, a devotion I was reading was talking about balancing servanthood with being still. You can't hear from God if you're always rushing around serving. So it's been good to balance this idea of servanthood with being still before God and making sure I'm full so that He can do His work through me. I'm sure there will be more about this "being still" thing, but for now I need to sign off. May you have time to be still and know that He is God.

Something to Share with a Mom

2009-01-16T14:05:00.002-05:00

Today while exploring during nap time, I stumbled on this. Guess God has more to say to us, huh?

A Servant's Heart

2009-01-16T13:16:00.006-05:00

One of the things that God's been talking to my heart about recently is servanthood. I'm grateful that he's taking the time to speak in this area and I have much to learn.

Some days being a stay at home Mom can be hard, as many of you know. (Other days it's the best gift in the world!) I find myself still dealing with my identity. I used to be the teacher. I liked the praise I'd receive and the attention I'd get during the day with my students. I was busy with things that although served others also served myself. If I wasn't working with kids at school, I was busy with something at church. My time was pretty much my own, because my husband's work took much of his time, too. If I wanted to do something, I could, there wasn't too much to it.

Now, as I roll towards year two of being a stay at home Mom, I still find myself fighting with time. Nap time seems so precious, because I can do what I want. If I want to serve in some way, I have to take in account who will watch Little Man. My husband also developed a constantly changing kind of schedule, which drove me nuts, because sometimes just when I'd have "my time" after Little Man was down, I was now supposed to take care of him. I found myself developing a hard attitude. I wanted my husband to provide freedom. I didn't want to always be taking care of things for everyone else.

Thankfully, God is preventing my hard attitude from being a permanent thing. Praise to Him...because woe is me if left on this track. He began to speak to me through my reading of The Shack. I was really struck by the conversations dealing with our rights and how we view others. (There will probably be some other entries dealing with this.) God used this piece of fiction to get me thinking and examining myself. He also began to speak to me through His Word. I began working on memorizing Philippians 2:5-8. It begins, "You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to." (NLT) WOW. I mean, that's a clear command. YOU MUST have this attitude. Jesus did not think that He should use his Godness to keep Him from doing what was required, so if Jesus gave up his rights, who am I to cling to them? I began to pray that I would serve in my home first and ask God to help me in this area. He's lovingly given me renewed joy. And the other morning when my quiet time was about to be upset because someone needed breakfast, He kept my heart from being hard and helped me serve. A small victory for me.

Another thing that helped me was a post on a blog I stumbled upon that called No Mundane Tasks which was taken from No Mundane Tasks by Nancy Leigh Demoss as part of the 31 day Makeover Challenge.. It's helped quite a bit, too.

So, if you're struggling with being a servant, maybe God is speaking to you to turn to Him so that He can give you His mindset. Know that you're not facing this struggle alone, either!

May we all serve with the heart of God.

New Year Beginnings

2009-01-15T15:30:00.005-05:00

Don't you love the new year? I do. As a girl I always loved getting a new notebook. I'd vow that every single page would be used perfectly and have perfect handwriting. There would be no mistakes in this notebook. How quickly that would change.

A new year gives me that new notebook feel. I know we're fifteen days into the new year, but I still have that feeling. I'm so glad, too. See, the past few months have been a little dry in the area of my relationship with God. He and I have been talking and spending time together, but it just hasn't felt close. I can't say what the reason for the dryness really was, but He's been gracious and given me a sweet time of fellowship with Him recently. As my family settled back to life without the holidays, He and I have had some wonderful times together.

I've been wondering a lot what this year's notebook will hold? What will He teach me? What will I do? How will I face the challenges that are around me as this year progresses? How does He want me to adjust to Him? It's exciting.... and I'm turning all those questions over to Him. I want Him to write on the notebook of my life. I want Him to fill the pages. That's my heart's desire this year....to be filled with Him for all to read. Have you talked to him about your notebook? What does He want to share with you? Before another day adds to the year, take some time to talk with Him about this and see what He says.

Welcome

2009-01-15T15:13:00.005-05:00

In talking with a friend today about Facebook and technology, I was amazed at how much time we spend with technology each day and how it affects us. I've resisted Facebook, knowing that it would be another thing I'd feel compelled to maintain and spend precious minutes with, even though I realize it has a great capacity to link people. But another reason for the resistance is the thought, "Who am I? Meaning...who am I that people should really care what I do throughout my day. After all, it is rather ho-hum."

And yet with this conversation being had, I begin a blog. Why? Isn't the same question being asked? Who am I that someone would read this? What do I have to share that would be meaningful?

Well, in spite of these questions, I find myself typing. The reason for this is that a few days ago as I was working on the blog I maintain for our family, I realized how much it was centered on my son and our life with him. It's great for keeping the grandparents and those miles away in touch, but it really doesn't go very deep. And I find myself wanting to go deep. I want to do something with meaning. My world seems so small as a stay at home Mom. So, God and I have been talking and he laid this idea on my heart. At first I went, "Huh? Do you really want me to spend precious nap time minutes working on another blog?" Then I argued, "But who will read it? I mean what's the use? What do I have to say that could really make an impact?"

Well, I don't have an answer to that last argument, but I'm obeying because I know God will use this for whatever His purpose is. Maybe it will be more for me and keeping me accountable to the path I'm walking. Maybe friends will follow it and add their wisdom to it. Maybe it will entwine itself in some ministry opportunity further down the road. Maybe someone out there in cyberspace will find something they need at just the right moment. I don't know. And when I think about it, it's not my responsibility to know the answer.

So, thank you if you are reading this and joining me. I hope we can learn together and become more conformed to the image of Christ as we walk through life.